We told you yesterday about pasty faced politighoul Jacob Rees-Mogg’s apparent plan to throw dead fish into the sea as a protest against the Brexit transition deal reached this week by Theresa May. A plan which Moggy denied on LBC and jokingly said ‘Am I going to change my name to Captain Haddock?’
Well, who knows what he was trying to do then, when this morning he attempted to board the Brexit fishing boat at Westminster pier, but didn’t have permission. In what everyone is pointing out is the perfect metaphor for Brexit, everyone then wasted a lot of time not really knowing what to do, whilst Mogg tried to get on the boat, which was in turn, sailing aimlessly round the Thames.
One man who did manage to get on it, was your friend and mine, Nigel Farage. What does he do all day? Wait for stunts like this and leap out of his chair, double-checking what he’s supposed to be enraged about, it seems.
What unfolded was like something from The Thick Of It, and most certainly, very Brexit Britain, the new, ‘70s style sitcom caper, coming soon.
Political correspondents were having a field (and stream) day with it. The whole thing was an anti-climactic farce, and there wasn’t even that many fish in the bucket. Also, it turned out it’s illegal to throw dead fish into the Thames, so then, as with all good capers, there followed a police chase.
In what was surely the slowest police chase of all time, emotions were running high, the atmosphere was tense as the fuzz closed in on the fish-throwers, as they were becoming known as.
The police swiftly ended the haddock-slinging, and sadly, the spectacle was over.
Tune in next week, when Farage, Mogg, and a whole host of Brexiteers will break into Sainsbury’s to bend bananas as freely as we should be able to.
Stuart Miller summed it up perfectly below. We’ll be using this from now on in place of a piss up in a brewery.
Until next time.