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Asda ban sale of kiwis from their store – and it’s all Harry Styles’ fault

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Gary Ogden
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Asda have banned the sale of a fruit to protect Harry Styles

A great thing in this sometimes depressing life that we all live, is the shared joy when someone famous falls over on stage. It’s a wonderful moment - this unattainable, godlike figure, so far from a human being, up there on a giant plinth, the proles worshipping at their feet, and they’ve fucking eaten the dust like an absolute pillock. I love it, there’s nothing better.

Like, look:

And obviously:

So yeah, glad we can all agree on that. People falling over on stage is funny.

A slip (but not quite a full-on fall) is also funny, as is demonstrated by Harry Styles here, when he stood on a kiwi:

The reason for a kiwi being on stage was because Hazza has a song called ‘Kiwi’ and when he played it, fans pelted him with the fruit, because this is how One Directioners behave. Styles was obviously a tad concerned about this pastime, saying:

“You may have seen me fall earlier during this song… it appeared to be a kiwi.

“That was the culprit, some green seedy mush. Look, there’s another, This could end up being a problem.”

As a result of this (and reminiscent of Reading and Leeds festival’s banning of pineapples this year) the Asda branch in Hulme, Manchester, banned the sale of kiwis to those under the age of 25 on Thursday, to protect Harry at his gig at the city’s O2 Arena. An Asda spokesperson said:

“We know our customers love Harry Styles and we feel it’s our duty to protect a fellow Mancunian from any ‘bad kiwis’ amongst us. We’d hate to see a repeat of the mishap this evening, so to avoid any slippery situations, we feel this is a necessary measure.”

Supposedly a store-wide warning was issued informing staff to check for ID if suspect youngsters popped up with kiwis in tow. It was all very militant. And too right.

Very good. Although of course, it is entirely likely that this is a big PR stunt to get those all-important column inches in and that they would 100% sell a kiwi to an under-25-year-old but hey ho it was a good excuse to post Gemma Collins falling down a hole again.

(Image: Rex)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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