Living in the world in 2018 is a funny thing. A parody TV reality star is President of the United States. Drones deliver things to our front doors. Apps tell us who’s talking to who when. And Alan Sugar writes poems about Jeremy Corbyn now, apparently?
As you probably know, Corbyn has been at the centre of an anti-semitism row – something that Sir Alan has commented on in recent days. First, he described Corbyn as “absolutely dangerous”, and then as “totally, totally dangerous”. He’s not a fan, basically.
So what better way to express that than through the medium of verse?
The masterpiece reads:
Jeremy Corbyn, a bit of a scruff
Asked what he could do to come over less rough
His fashion advisers worked on his new look
And a fifty quid Matalan suit’s all it took
Jeremy Corbyn, a stud of a man
A playboy was he with his lover Diane
She’d get into bed wearing only her blusher
And lie back with Jezza just thinking of Russia
Jeremy Corbyn, on Royals not keen
You won’t find him singing to God Save The Queen
No Cenotaph bowing for this bitter man
If elected he’d called for a monarchy ban
Jeremy Corbyn, says many a critic
Is a dangerous fool who is anti-Semitic
He often says “I’m not a Jew-hating man”
“I’m just a big Hamas and Hezbollah fan”
Jeremy Corbyn, an Arsenal man
Supporting the team with his Islington clan
He cheers the left winger when he goes along
And “Come on you Reds” is his favourite song
Jeremy Corbyn, a yesterday man
The worst Labour leader since records began
Though his party is coughing and spluttering and dying
Old Jeremy’s red flag is still flying
So: here we have Alan Sugar calling Corbyn “a bit of a scruff”, “a stud of a man” (sort of a compliment, surely?), “a dangerous fool”, “an Arsenal man” and a “yesterday man” (probably got a bit bored of coming up with new rhymes at this point), painting a vivid, vivid picture of…something. Not sure what. But something.
Obviously people found this…interesting. (And politically contentious, of course).
In reply, here is a poem about Alan Sugar:— Bloonface (@bloonface) April 5, 2018
There once was a man from Amstrad
His poetry skills were quite bad
He wrote a poem
About Mr Corbyn
Cause he's such a peculiar lad.
Truly we are living in an age of unprecedented bizarreness – and I for one cannot wait for Jeremy Corbyn’s inevitable limerick retort.