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A sleep expert has declared the best time to go for a shower, and she is wrong

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Gary Ogden
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It’s a debate that has raged ever since the first dinosaurs got showers installed in their caves – do you have a shower in the morning before work, or in the evening, before bed?

Well, we finally have a definitive answer – Nancy Rothstein (aka The Sleep Ambassador, whatever that means) has come out and said it. She’s settled it, Nance and for all.

This is when you should have a shower:

“If you like to shower in the morning, do it, but definitely shower at night. It’s so important to go to bed clean, and it separates the day from the night.”

Wrong, Nancy. Yet she continues regardless:

“When you get into bed, you should feel clean. You’ve been out and about all day – why would you want to get into bed like that?

“A nighttime shower is an integral part of your ‘preparing for bed’ routine. It’s time for you – no phone, no emails, just the luxury of fresh, warm water flowing over your body. Call it an opportunity to shower yourself with mindfulness!

“Think of your shower as a segue to sleep. The better you sleep, the better your hair and skin will look. So even if you’re exhausted and just want to crash, get in the shower and let the water run on your face and body.”

That’s some bullshit right there. Obviously shower in the morning because then you’re clean for the whole day. Shower in the evening and you’ve woken up and put your clothes on, fresh from a sweaty pit of dead skin and dribble; you stinky, dirty, matte ape.

And what if you want to do a sex with your partner and/or your hand before bed? You’re telling me I have to shower afterwards, rather than fall asleep immediately? I’m not putting my clothes on with a sheen of batter on my pubis, thank you very much. I’m in that shower in the morning, and I’m feeling fresh for the rest of the day.

Thankfully, a sleepy angel has come to save the day. Mona Gohara, MD, associate clinical professor of dermatology at the Yale School of Medicine says: “A morning shower allows for time to meditate and regroup before starting a long or hectic day. This mindfulness can decrease inflammation in the skin by keeping levels of a hormone called cortisol capped.”

I’m sticking with you, Mona – you’ve got it right.

I liken it to this – if a stranger that showered before bed every night invited you to get in their bed, would you? No, because it’s a foul cocoon of crusty violence. Would you sit on their sofa? Yeah, probably. Beds are disgusting, even if they’re your own, so have a shower in the morning you screeching deviant. 

Also, who wants a beer right before going to bed? Not me – I want one in the shower before work, every day, thank you very much.

 

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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