The world is now one of incredible potential. We have hoveboards (sort of), water on mars (probably) and our PM thinks bestial necrophilia is a party joke (allegedly).
Literally anything can happen in this world that we live in. And with this untapped, explosion of potential comes the reduction of other great human innovations, like talking to people.
We apparently can’t do it in real life anymore, the majority of us resorting to the internet. Furthermore, despite taking the real pressure out of the situation by getting rid of face-to-face chat, we’re still rubbish at it.
And thus, online dating app Hinge has taken it upon itself to find the most successful chat-up lines ever. They did this by throwing saucy sentences towards their database of daters and asking them which were best.
These are the results, handily separated into age brackets are below. Read them, memorise them and never be lonely again.
You’re having your portrait painted – what’s your backdrop?
This works because, as we all know, 18-23 year-olds have a keen interest in commissioned artwork. Sepia-toned Instagram selfies are for people living in 2014 not right now in the future. If you didn’t know that, it’s because you’re old.
Pain reliever personality: Advil, Tylenol, or complaining?
This shouldn’t need explaining, it’s got it all: humour, drugs and pain. The perfect romance cocktail for the post-emo generation. In your face Dashboard Confessionals.
Sunday priorities: exercise, sleep or aggressive mimosas?
The beauty of this line is that it ticks off a lot of personality types so you can divert follow-up questions in varying directions quite easily. In one swoop you’re hitting on a potential gym-bunny, lazy-bunny or ‘I’m-in-denial-about-getting-older-so-I-drink-bunny'. Basically, this is everyone. The thinking man’s pick-up line.
Better adventure: Rock climbing or scuba diving?
Because who wouldn’t want to date Jacques Cousteau and live an endless life of adventure and danger. Never settle for less.
Two truths and a lie: ready, set, go!
A drinking game without the booze = game, set and match at love tennis.
Could you date someone who orders plain bagels with plain cream cheese when they have other options?
Pre-coital smut talk for the responsible realist. You’re single, you’re edging your way to forty, you’ve had one too many microwavable dinners. Better to live a life of vanilla than a life with cats.
Katy Perry or Taylor Swift?
The only person that really knows the answer to this question is John Mayer. And that, is incredibly wishful thinking. The confused sound of age slowly creeping up on you like the shadows of a praying mantis during mating season.
Bears, beets, or Battlestar Galatica?
“You should know this now – I have a large collection of sci-fi boxsets and my apartment has the rich earthy smell of beetroot. Hopefully my initial, daring reference to grizzlys will have distracted you from this.”