We're generalising here, and that's bad, but all puffins look the same. Therefore, getting laid must be down to chrisma.
Concerns have been raised over the patter of one puffin, then, who wondered into a UK sex clinic.
The male juvenile bird walked into Winchester's Royal Hampshire County Hospital where staff described the puffin as being "very hungry and exhausted".
He was transfered to Hart Wildlife Rescue and their Chairman Greenland-Jones said they were "full to bursting point" but managed to find room for the seabird. It is the first time they have looked after a puffin.
"We've been feeding him on fish we had in for a herring gull that was being treated here recently and he is now much more feisty."
Killjoys say he had become separated from other puffins flying south from coastal areas of northern Britain to the Bay of Biscay. We say he put on the whole hungry/exhausted act as soon as he was spotted in the clinic.
Jean Bradford from the South Devon Seabird Trust, trust said: "If all is well he may be released next month, if the weather is calm, or kept until March when he can rejoin his fellow puffins on their way back to the breeding colonies."
Breeding colonies? Yeah baby.