It's true, modern footballers are mollycoddled - what with agents sorting their contracts, sponsors picking their wardrobe and the kit man washing their Y-fronts (probably). But, on the rare, hilarious occasion where a player gets in a right old tizz and sprays the ball into their own net - there's absolutely nothing anyone can do about it. Well, except keep a living record of it on YouTube, that is, and allow the whole world to point and laugh at a millionaire footballer looking an utter plonker.
Here are 10 such moments for you to enjoy. Silly, silly footballers - what are they like?
1. Tony Popovic (Crystal Palace v Portsmouth)
With an effort that would've been a shoo-in for goal of the season had it been up the other end, Crystal Palace's Aussie bruiser Tony Popovic's response to a Pompey cross was a nugget of flair that Ronaldo or Messi could only dream of. So good it was, he probably should've celebrated. He didn't, and Palace were later relegated.
2. Djimi Traore (Liverpool v Burnley)
A man who could well be the epitome of the phrase 'from the sublime to the ridiculous', Djimi Traore owns both a Champions League medal for Liverpool, as well as the unwanted title of scoring one of the silkiest OGs in FA Cup history (above). A few years later he was at it again - at the right end this time, thank Christ - with a world class effort for Seattle Sounders (also above).
3. Chris Brass (Bury v Darlington)
A lower-league journeyman turned viral legend, Chris Brass had what can best be summed up as a bad day at the office for Bury in 2006, when he managed to concede an own goal and break his nose in one swift moveme. His pride probably wasn't in the best shape after, either.
4. Festus Baise (Citizen AA v Sun Hei)
Quite possibly the greatest goal ever scored - regardless of which net it ended up in - Festus Baise thought it appropriate to defend an incoming ball with an acrobatic reverse scorpion kick. We don't know what he was thinking, but to be perfectly honest, we don't care. We're just glad it happened.
5. Jamie Pollock (Manchester City v QPR)
Hey kids, remember when moneybags Man City were total crap? Jamie Pollock does. With City scrapping with QPR to avoid being relegated to the third tier of English football in 1998, Pollock popped up with a finish that any striker in the world would be glad to call his own - but somehow wasn't that happy about it. It may be because the game finished 2-2 and City were promptly relegated. Still, he was later voted 'The most influential man of the last 2,000 years' by QPR fans, beating Jesus to the top spot. So, every cloud...
6. Carl Jenkinson (Arsenal v Cologne)
For Arsenal right-backs, smashing home spectacular own goals comes with the territory. Or so it would seem, anyway. Just ask Lee Dixon, Lauren or indeed wee Carl Jenkinson, who thought he'd join his predecessors with a stadium-sized clanger, just one month into his Arsenal career, during a friendly against Cologne in 2011. Don't worry too much Carl, friendlies aren't always the best indicator of a player's worth - the 'mighty' Gervinho scored twice in the very same game, and then proceeding to do naff all for the rest of his Gunners career.
7. Gary Sprake (Leeds v Liverpool)
A man famed for touchline heroics followed up with cringeworthy blunders years before Heurelho Gomes was even born, Gary Sprake was the flawed genius of Don Revie's fierce Leeds United team. But for all his goal-line wizardry, Leeds fans and foes alike all remember him for one particularly ridiculous moment. No, not wearing a baseball cap between the sticks, but this incomprehensible 'pass' to his defence.
8. Clamoroso (Delta Porto Tolle vs. Ischia)
Granted, it's safe to assume Serie D isn't quite at the cutting edge of Italian football. But the brilliantly-named Clamoroso could do little about what appears to be an act of God during Della Porto Tolle's encounter with Ischia. A football turned boomerang - his six-yard box strike went outfield and then ended up back in his net. You know you're a dodgy football team when you can't even get the wind to support you.
9. Jon Walters (Stoke v Chelsea)
Let us get one thing straight - Jon Walters is a good footballer. Honest. OK, he's no Diego Maradona, but Stoke's Republic of Ireland international has netted 21 times in 117 appearances (at the time of writing). Well, 23 times, if you count these two goals for Chelsea in January 2013. The first - a diving header - was particularly fabulous. He had a chance to redeem himself in the same game, when Stoke were awarded a penalty. He hit the bar. Of course he did.
10. Gareth Bale (Tottenham v Liverpool)
Gareth Bale is the world's most expensive footballer. Gareth Bale is worth £85m pounds. But even Gareth Bale isn't immune from the on-pitch ignominy of an own goal. The usually ice cool Welshman was left red-faced in the most literal sense against Liverpool in 2012, when Aaron Lennon's goal-line clearance hit him square in the chops and rolled in the Spurs net. According to reports, Bale was said to be quite sheepish after the game (we're so sorry, Gareth).