Are you an elderly, stressed-out woman that exclusively sips champagne and never eats before a boozy night out? Well then it’s no wonder you get stinking hangovers, madam.
A fascinating (if a bit contentious, given they want you to purchase grog, not swear off it) infographic by Alcohol Gifts has shed light on the science behind Lady Booze, with a play-by-play account of what exactly what goes down inside the human body while you’re under the influence.
According to the research, the first few minutes are a party in the mouth, stomach and bloodstream, as alcohol is absorbed and travels all over, including to the brain (uh-oh!) and muscles.
The fun doesn’t last long, mind, as within 10-minutes your body identifies this high ABV intruder as a poison, looking to break it down in the quickest time possible so it doesn’t have to store it.
Five minutes later your stomach’s producing an enzyme called ‘Alcohol dehydrogenase’ (try saying that after six pints), which turns the liquor into Acetaldehyde – a toxic substance otherwise known as man’s mortal enemy, given that it’s a large contributing factor in tomorrow’s sore head.
After 20-minutes the study suggests you’ll be light-headed and experience happy or “other emotions” (a polite way of saying punchy or tearful), whereas alcohol’s diuretic nature means the liquid is sent straight to the bladder, meaning that within an hour or so the urination festival can commence.
In the 12-24 hours after you’ve imbibed, all the hallmarks of the dreaded hangover take hold – headache, dizziness, thirst, paleness and tremors – most of which a direct consequence of being so God damn dehydrated.
It can take up to 24hrs for the body to completely deal with the sorry situation you served it, and yet after that (in most cases at least) your functions will return to normal. And we all know what that means.