Food & Drink

Waitrose has written tasting notes for Special Brew because middle class people are ridiculous

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Jordan Waller
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There was once a time where if you were looking to do a posh Friday big shop you’d rock up to the swish gates of Marks and Sparks. Pimping out your trolley with an array of impossibly thin crisps, bizarre ‘sparkling’ drinks and Percy Pigs.

In recent years other shops have slipped into the lead in a heated, hummus-filled war of the classes. The new favourite, Waitrose, pulling itself to the fore with delicate gloved hands on a velvet rope to become the shop of choice for your unnecessary extravagant bits.

The reason for their success? Because they take being middle class totally god damn serious.

Allow us to present to you Exhibit A:

  • Waitrose has written tasting notes for Special Brew because middle class people are ridiculous

    Exhibit A

    Special Brew: breaker of men; challenger of students; pillow of the inebriated. A drink that the vast majority of people in life have never truly experienced but are very much aware of (between ourselves, if you mix it with a bit of Pimms and Pro-Plus it’ll shave £80 off your night out but make you wish you’d never bothered).

    A drink that is leered at by other drinks for being, well, a bit too strong for something that you drink warm out of a can. A drink that nobody really wants.

    But Waitrose don’t realise this. Waitrose see potential in undersold goods, they see a challenge. They see a solution. They see tasting notes [Exhibit B].

    Because the obvious reason why people don’t flock to buy Special Brew is because they don’t know that it really is a special brew. One that’s cognac flavoured. A flavour that no lager should really ever embody.

  • Waitrose has written tasting notes for Special Brew because middle class people are ridiculous 1

    Exhibit B

    Read it and weep. Feel the visceral taste hit your throat, the full-bodied bitterness, the ‘stronger lager’ that will satiate your insatiable thirst for a hangover.

    Laugh at Waitrose and their gimmicky attempt at flogging this ridiculous drink. Their failed attempt at, actually, allow us to present our next exhibit…

  • Waitrose has written tasting notes for Special Brew because middle class people are ridiculous 2

    Exhibit C

    Of course it sold out. Middle class people are idiots.

    [Images via Rex and @Mewo2]

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Jordan Waller

Jordan is the Deputy Editor of ShortList Magazine. A greying Yorkshireman in London with a passing interest in sleight of hand. He was once ‘air-head-butted’ by Willem Dafoe and it was as terrifying as you’d imagine. Follow Jordan on Twitter: @JordanFWaller

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