Food & Drink

The Wetherspoon’s dress code is genuinely hilarious

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Gary Ogden
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I have been into a variety of Wetherspoon’s pubs wearing a variety of different outfits. I have looked smart, I have looked smart-casual, I have looked scruffy, I have had my flies undone, I have been wearing shorts way too small for my crotch, I have been topless, I have been in a full suit and I have obviously never been in fancy dress because I hate fancy dress. What I’m trying to say is, that I have only been kicked out for one of the “outfits” listed above.

But what is their exact stance on clothes? What can you and what can’t you wear? Well, a man on Twitter has found out: @mark_wilding was clearly planning an outing to a dream factory because he felt the need to check the dress code beforehand – would they let him in in smart trainers? Did his top half have to feature a collar in some way?

Turns out no:

Pretty simple rules there. Put some clothes on and you are allowed to come in. “But shoes don’t count as clothes!” you screech, picking fluff from in between your toes. Well, unfortunately they do in Wetherspoon’s – you’ve gotta put something on your feet, sorry.

But may I add a suggestion, Wetherspoon’s big-wigs: I think you should include a stipulation whereby fancy dress is no longer allowed. Yes, I understand you would lose a great deal of business from the student contingent, but when I ask for things, I am only thinking about myself. I am extremely selfish and you should respect this fact. Also, allow only me to go topless, because when I drink too many Smirnoff Ices my nipples chafe against my string vest.

Many thanks.

(Image: Rex)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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