Lovely old Richard Osman that everyone loves because he’s lovely, has done a lovely thing. What he’s done is get on Twitter in the run-up to Red Nose Day to do a big World Cup Of Biscuits – so he’s naming a load of biscuits and asking his followers to choose their favourite. Heats turn into quarter finals, then semi finals, then a chewy, crumbly final. It’s all very exciting.
HOW. EV. ER. He has done something a tad foolish today – he has made a classic British mistake and it has angered the internet greatly. Not even just a mistake, in fact. You could even call it a crime. He has waded into the most vicious, bloodthirsty debate this island nation has ever entertained, and he’s come down firmly on one side of it.
Yep, that’s right, he’s only bloody gone and said that Jaffa Cakes are biscuits.
Now, I, for one, could not give two flaming shits about whether a Jaffa Cake is a cake or a biscuit – all I care about is how many I can fit in my mouth in one go (must remember to pitch that). The internet, on the other hand, has collectively done two shits, soaked them in gasoline, set fire to them and then given them. Do not test the internet – you’ll regret it.
How do I know that the internet is angry? Because it is tweeting. Look:
Of course, not everyone is furious. Some people are confused, or even inspired:
Thankfully, Osman had addressed the controversy:
And owing to his fondness for polls, he’s even opened it out to the public; which at the time of writing, and in-keeping with Osman’s day job, has had an entirely pointless effect:
Still, amongst the crumb-filled furore, I think the most enlightening tweet is this:
I’m WAY more interested in crushing up biscuits, mixing them with salt and hoovering them into my giant mouth than whether something is a cake or not.
Saying all that, there is one thing I have an issue with concerning this so-called “list”. What on God’s green arsehole is a Lemon Puff?