Pizza is dangerous, guys, stop eating it
What is great? Pizza is great. It is so very hard to have a bad pizza. They exist, sure, but it’s very hard to find them. Put some cheese and meat on a bit of dough and nine times out of ten, it’s an enjoyable time.
So enjoyable, in fact, that it is extremely easy to get over-excited and hurt yourself in a fit of careless indulgence.
We’ve all had pizza burn, where you slop that slice into your mouth straight from the oven and say an immediate farewell to the roof of your mouth - but have you ever gone to hospital because of it?
Some people have, it turns out. 2,300 of them last year in the US, the big billies. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission released the worrying (and also, despite the pain, mouth-watering) statistics, mentioning that the most common pizza-related injuries were:
- Cutting pizza, and then yourself, you big silly idiot
- Sticking that damn pie in your gob before it’s cooled down, you greedy sort
- Taking the stupid thing out the oven without wearing oven gloves, you dippy old Gus
- Doing a slippy tumble while carrying pizza, you nonsense hippo
- Falling arse over nipple in a pizza shop, you clumsy nitwit
- *sigh* Cascading out of your bed while leaning over to get your pizza, you howling, horizontal plank, you lazy, idle, gluttonous LEGEND
So, yeah, be careful when eating pizza because it’s obviously extremely dangerous.
If you live in America, anyway - the UK statistics have not yet been revealed, but presumably they have something to do with snapping our front teeth off because we bite too hard - WE’VE ALL GOT BUCK TEETH, YOU SEE, IN THE UK!