Food & Drink

Quit your job immediately - Nutella are hiring taste-testers

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Gary Ogden
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Eating Nutella all day sounds like a dream. Getting paid for it? A WET ONE.

Your job probably involves you eating no Nutella. Like, you might have some Nutella at lunch or soemthing, but you’re not actively getting paid to eat it. You are instead getting paid to sit in front of a computer and tap things into a keyboard - remember, no Nutella.

So what if we told you that you could change all this, and start a new job that contained 100% Nutella? A job, that was literally all about Nutella. All you would do, all the time, would be fully associated with Nutella - you would be eating a hell of a lot of Nutella in this job. What if we told you this?

Because it’s going, this job. The Nutella job is real - you can work for Nutella and eat Nutella and dip your fingers in Nutella and bathe in Nutella and replace your blood with Nutella and then at the end of the month, get money for doing it.

The official job title is “sensory judge” and involves tasting for cocoa, hazelnuts and other ingredients in each globule of tasty, tasty Nutella. If you get the job, you’ll be put on a three-month training course to help you differentiate between flavours and become a true Nutella master. There’s a bit of work involved, you see - they don’t simply strap you into a seat and pump gallons of Nutella into your open throat (shame).

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However, and it pains us to say this - it’s not a full-time job. So if you’ve already thrown a pint of water over your manager’s face and shouted “I TOLD YOU ONE DAY I WOULD BECOME THE KING OF CHOCOLATE”, then you might want to start drafting that apology email. Unfortunately it’s only four hours’ worth of Nutella action over two days, so you’ll want to be fitting it in around another job, if you can. Maybe for Sun-Pat or someone, it’s up to you.

Oh yeah, and also it’s in, umm, Italy, in the small town of Alba, so you’ll have to relocate. But hey, what’s a few miles across the world for the privilege of unhooking your jaw and slathering waves upon waves of thick, viscous chocolate spread into your drooling mouth every week? Think how much GOD DAMN Nutella you’ll get to eat! Just think of it - think how cross-eyed you’ll go as the fourteenth helping of smooth, sugary brown slime is loaded onto your wagging, expectant tongue. You and chocolate, together forever, in ecstasy.

If you fancy it (why don’t you? WHY DON’T YOU FANCY IT) then you can apply over here, but be warned, the advert is in Italian. However, all that’s required is a photo of yourself, naked, covered in Nutella, so you don’t really need to bother translating it. You can trust us. It’s that. It’s the naked Nutella photo. Send them it.

Good luck!

(Image: Getty)

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Gary Ogden

Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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