Want the VIP experience in a McDonald’s? Then reserve your place now
The great thing about McDonald’s is that you can sprint into it, covered in sweat, maybe only one shoe on, and you can have the burger that you so desperately crave within about five minutes - that, is service. From frenzied entry to frenzied first bite - eight minutes? Maybe? That’s ridiculous, that.
Still, some “people” look down on this shining beacon of convenience, and instead prefer to frequent restaurants that guarantee them a table, a table that they have to book in advance. So it’ll be news to their holier-than-thou ears, that the very poshest of McDonald’s - the one on Kensington High Street - will be operating a reservation service from today.
Yep, if you want the full VIP treatment, you’ll have to actually book your table at this Maccies. But why? WHY? “WHY SHOULD I BOOK?” you bellow through a vuvuzela - well, it’s because you’ll be getting proper spoiled at this fancy joint. You’ll be welcomed by a string quartet, escorted to a private table surrounded by rich velvet curtains, fine art and ‘diamond’-encrusted cutlery - and that’s just for starters.
You’ll have a choice of three Signature burgers - the Classic, BBQ or Spicy - which will be served under a silver cloche (one of those shiny metal things that always have severed heads underneath in horror movies) by a white-gloved butler. How very powsh.
This new collection of burgs has been designed by the Chefs Council, which is made up of chefs who have worked in Michelin Star eateries and even cooked for royalty. So they’re probably “quite nice”, actually - three “quite nice” burgers for you to eat in luxury surroundings. Sounds like a “quite nice” day out, to us.
Of course, if the urge to eat McDonald’s often hits you urgently, like a heavy thwack around the cheeks with a hefty carp, and you are unable to predict when or where it will happen, then you’ll still be able to hastily pull on some trousers the wrong way round and do the aforementioned desperate gallop to the restaurant to get a normal, non-posh McDonald’s experience. THANK GOD.
However, if you want the fancy-pants princess poopy-loopy ding-dong experience, then you can head on over here and make your booking.
Enjoy your burger, your highness. Don’t spill any mayo on your boat shoes!