You’ve been in hospital before, probably? I have anyway, for a few different things - some I can tell you about (fractured ankle), some I can’t (cucumber-gate ‘07), but I’ve done it, and as such, I have eaten hospital food on a number of occasions. It’s shit, normally, isn’t it? A bit of toast here and there, some soup, a ‘thing’ with some ‘stuff’ on it - I don’t know what I’m eating, but I know I’m not enjoying it.
Stupid me, then, because if I’d have had a salad-based mishap in Japan in ‘07, I’d have been the happy recipient of an absolute platter of tasty delights. I know this, because an Imgur user recently gave birth in a Japanese hospital and shared some photos of the mouth-watering smorgasbord she had the pleasure of slipping down her gullet. It knocks us lot out the park - just cop a load of this gang:
Chicken fingers with shredded cabbage salad, bitter melon stir fry, agedashi tofu, carrot salad, rice, miso soup
Salmon with mushroom sauce, soba noodles, rice, eggplant and beef, broccoli, hijiki salad
Fish, braised vegetables, niku jaga (meat and potatoes), cucumber and baby corn salad, rice, miso soup, green tea
Chicken with mushroom sauce, braised pumpkin and pork, daikon carrot salad, rice, miso soup, chawan mushi
Mackerel, konbu salad, natto, spinach salad, miso soup, rice, milk, green tea
Fried fish with tartar sauce, braised mountain potatoes, hijiki salad, spinach and carrot stir fry, rice, green tea
Mushroom pasta, potato salad, broccoli and bacon salad, chicken soup, fruit, bread, green tea
Cod, shredded cabbage salad, pasta salad, sweet potato and peas, rice, green tea
Omuraisu, macaroni salad, chicken soup, squid rings, fruit, green tea
Salmon, tofu, spinach salad, natto, miso soup, rice, milk
Sea bream, pasta salad, chicken meatballs, pickled daikon, rice, miso soup, chawan mushi, green tea
This is especially salivating considering that in Japan, patients only really foot about 30% of their healthcare bill, with the government paying the rest. I would happily pay 30% just for that goddamn omelette up there - I want it in me now.
So essentially, I require somebody to get me pregnant in Japan so that I can eat all of this delicious food. COME HITHER, VIRILE VOLUNTEERS, IMPREGNATE ME. I NEED A BABY FOR THE TASTY FISH.