Food & Drink

Swedish Meatballs aren’t what you think and should be renamed immediately

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Gary Ogden
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Swedish Meatballs aren’t what you think and should be renamed immediately

IKEA will never be the same again with this sensational development

The best thing about IKEA is not the furniture, it is not the fun arrows on the floor, it is not skating on the trolleys up and down the big warehouse section at the end, it is putting one of those goddamn sweaty lumps of meat into your lazy jaw and smashing it into a woozy paste with your big mouth, ain’t it? 

Nowt like having a nice plate of Swedish meatballs after you’ve bought a shelf, just like the old rhyme goes: “Have a shelf, you elf, eat a meatball, Paul”. 

Only thing is, it’s been a lie all along - as you sat there, thrashing those teeth together like food was going out of fashion, what you were not privy to was the truth behind those meaty morsels.

As such, Sweden has finally decided to rip that rug from its resting place of our eyes, and reveal that although the meal can definitely still be called “meatballs”, it can’t really be called “Swedish”. On Saturday, the country’s official Twitter account did this:

Yeah, mate, they’re not even Swedish. All this time, you thought you were eating Sweden, but you were actually eating Turkey! The country, not the bird, that is.

So what to do now? Well, keep on eating them you hungry little whipper! They still taste amazing, and if you’re ever at a food and chest-of-drawers pairing meal, they’re the only food you should be thinking of. Imagine buying a sweet new bureau and then eating a Sunday roast afterwards? It doesn’t really bear thinking about, does it?

So what have we learned? Well, meatballs. Keep your meatballs in your chest-of-drawers.

(Image: Getty)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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