Gordon Ramsay, a man with a hefty arsenal of choice swearwords and opinions hidden within the crevices of his forehead - a man who hates your dumb food and the shit way you’ve cooked it, you sod.
Thankfully, he knows what he’s talking about, so it’s wise to listen up. Especially today, because he’s just announced his three most-hated food trends, and you’re planning that dinner party next week, aren’t you? Don’t want everyone going on Twitter afterwards and sending a picture of your stupid main course to Ramsay so he can slag it off in front of millions, do ya?
So what are they? Well, his top three are below, so you can amend your menu accordingly, because I bet you’ve included every single one, you show off.
If you would kindly read the following three headlines in Gordon’s voice, that would be greatly appreciated
I agree, foams are rubbish. They’re air, aren’t they? Bit of meat, side of vegetables and some spit, please, garçon. Ramsay’s not having any of your nonsense, air-peddlers.
He told PopSugar: “The latest one I had, I was in Saint Paul, and someone gave me a bone marrow foam. Now when I think about having bone marrow, I don’t think about it as a foam.
“Sometimes they look like toxic scum in a stagnant pool. It was not very good.”
But if you’re looking for a loophole, and you absolutely must make it look like a spittlebug is nesting on your plate, then do it in a dessert - Gordon will let you off in that case: “You can have a bit of fun with desserts.”
BASTARD WAGYU, IDIOT SANDWICH
Wagyu is everywhere at the moment, a marbled, expensive, Japanese beef epidemic, but it’s being disrespected, according to Gordon.
“It’s a special cut. It needs to be treated with a little bit of respect. Everywhere you go now, there’s fucking Wagyu meatballs. Preserve it a little bit. Rest it. Allow it to become special.”
Thing is, Gordon actually serves Wagyu meatballs in Hell’s Kitchen - maybe they’re rested ones or something, who knows? Can’t have a bunch of tired meatballs falling asleep on your plate now can you? They must be awake for consumption.
TRUFFLE OIL? SODDING TRUFFLE OIL? PUT THAT ANYWHERE NEAR ME AND I’LL SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE SIDEWAYS
Here’s another ubiquitous ingredient staining menus across the world - truffle mac and cheese, truffle oil pizza, garlic truffle fries, Pot Noodle Truffle Oil Bad Boy (I think) - it’s everywhere, and you can’t stop it. Unless you’re Gordon Ramsay, of course:
“The worst thing, for me, is truffle oil. That thing needs to be let down. When [people] use it, they use the same fucking top [as any other oil], so they pour it, and it comes out in abundance. This thing needs to be let out in tiny, tiny, little [amounts].”
So there you go - dash foam, Wagyu and truffle oil off your fancy dinner party menu, and replace it with something far more Instagrammable, like alphabetti spaghetti spelling out “STEVE IS CHEATING ON YOU”. Lovely.