What you’re about to read is a beautiful love story – a true romance for the modern age. Forget your Austen, your Bronte, your Bridget Jones – this, right here, is true love.
This is the story of a man and his can of warm lager.
This mysterious romantic is known only as ‘Dean’, and his lover as ‘Can of Emu Export lager’ – it’s your classic ‘he was a boy, she was can’ kind of tale. Boy meets Can. You know the type.
Dean had his can with him at Melbourne airport on Saturday ahead of his flight to Perth – but he wasn’t ready to drink it quite yet. He wanted his Export to come with him to Perth, but obviously it wasn’t allowed in as hand luggage.
Not ready to be parted, however, Dean come up with a plan – an ambitious one, but one that if it were to work, could go down as the greatest love story of all time. Dean decided to check his can in as hold luggage. Just the one, single can.
Bemused, but knowing a true romance when they see one, the airport staff allowed Dean to check in his can, but now was the scary part – the agonising wait.
Four hours Dean had to spend separated from his darling as they flew across Australia – would they ever be reunited, or was this the end of the road for them? Would we get an ending to fit a rom-com or a Shakespearean tragedy.
Well, as they came out the other end, and Dean made his way nervously to the baggage carousel, the answer was there for him to see, right in front of his eyes.
“I was right up the back end of the plane, so I rocked up to the baggage carousel late,” Dean told Unilad. “There was no luggage out yet but everyone was milling around and had their phones out so I was pretty sure I knew what was going on.
“Sure enough there she was, alone on the carousel proudly making her way around. And there I was in my flanno and RMs to greet her. It was perfection.
“I half expected to find it empty, but if it didn’t turn up I’d have filed a lost luggage report.”
I know, I know – I’m crying too. But the story gets better. Dean and his can are so in love that they’ve decided to wait to consummate their union – they want everyone to know that this is special, and that true love lasts forever.
“I'm saving it to crack when it's cold and I'm with the boys,” he said.
Beautiful. Just beautiful. And prove, if ever you need it, that you don’t need Tinder or Happn to meet the partner of your dreams – they’re probably waiting for you in the fridge section of your corner shop.