So you know that unbelievably amazing, heart-in-mouth, diaphragm-on-floor iguana chase scene from last year’s Planet Earth II? The one that was so utterly terrifying and exhilarating that you actually screamed, out loud in your office, and that was the second time you’d watched it? Well, have I got news for you, buddy.
IT WAS A BIG FAT HEINOUS LIE AND NOW THE WORLD MUST END BECAUSE WHAT’S THE POINT.
Basically, Elizabeth White, a producer on that particular episode, told an understandably shocked audience at the Media Production Show on Monday: “It wasn’t the same iguana no, and often we have to augment it with other clips. Unfortunately lizards, snakes and iguanas aren’t good at ‘takes’.”
What is this? WHAT IS THIS?
“For continuity, it was better to crop the scenes together based off of the two cameras we had at the time to create the best possible scene.”
So basically, there were two cameras trained on that particular stretch of land, and they spliced together footage from a couple of different iguanas – not the single, legendary, ultimate badass one that I thought was my idol.
The scene won a load of awards, too – like Virgin TV’s Must See Moment, as well as the show itself picking up a BAFTA TV award for best specialist factual programme. Of course, I am calling for at least the first award to be snatched from its lying grip.
Yes, OK, the rest of the show was pretty good, I’ll admit, but what’s to say it wasn’t all lies? What’s to say the penguins weren’t CGI? What’s to say it wasn’t a David Attenborough impersonator narrating the whole thing? Either way, I am never reading another article about Planet Earth because I don’t want any more of it ruined. Stop ruining everything I like.
For god’s sake, I only just found out that crispy seaweed is actually cabbage, and now I can never get a Chinese takeaway ever again because of the constant lying. Lying to my face.
Next you’ll be telling me that Transformers aren’t real.