If it was any normal year, we’d already be deep into a brand new season of Game of Thrones by now.
But in 2017, they’re making us wait another 43 days to get our first taste of season seven – not that we’re counting or anything. We’re also only getting seven episodes this season, which is bullshit if we’re being honest, though both the showrunners and the cast have been speaking about how the show has a much faster pace this time around.
“A lot of things that normally take a season now take one episode,” Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, who plays Jaime Lannister, has said.
Up until now we’ve been gifted with nothing more than a few teasers and posters – no actual footage from the new season itself – but last night the first proper trailer dropped on the show’s Facebook page, and basically, everyone looks well up for a fight.
The trailer opens with Cersei, pacing into a room which we later see has had a huge map of Westeros painted onto its floor. “Enemies to the east, enemies to the west, enemies to the south, enemies to the north,” she says, as the screen cuts to footage of Grey Worm, an imposing looking boat which looks like it could belong to Euron Greyjoy, a close-up of an unidentifiable man sharpening a sword (could it be Sam with Heartsbane?), and Arya riding a horse through a snow-speckled forest.
“Whatever stands in our way, we will defeat it.”
We then see a Lannister army marching with some awesome looking shields as Cersei continues: “We’re the last Lannisters” (cut to Jaime).
“...the last ones who count” (cut to Tyrion walking very anxiously along a clifftop as three now extremely fucking massive dragons soar into the sky from below him).
We then appear behind Daenerys as the gates to Dragonstone are opened by her Unsullied army. So that’s one place we know she’s definitely going to show up next season – the former seat of House Targaryen. Dany’s going home.
“I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms,” she says. “And I will”, before finally sitting herself down on her very own Westerosi throne – this is the throne of Dragonstone though, and it’s made of wood, not swords.
Next we cut abruptly to a wave of Unsullied soldiers storming what looks like Casterly Rock, and Grey Worm fucks someone right up with a spear. What a dude. Definitely the best man without balls in Game of Thrones (sorry Theon).
Another jump cut, and we hear a distinctly Yorkshire-sounding accent scream “The King in the North”, like he thinks it’s season one again or something. A determined but slightly worried looking Jon Snow turns to face the camera, and it’s all very dark, but it’s almost certain he’s still at Winterfell here.
Suddenly we’re treated to one of Littlefinger’s many accents, and of course he’s in Sansa’s ear. “Your father and brothers are gone and yet here you stand,” he tells her. Who knows what Baelish is going to get up to this season, to be honest. The only thing you can be sure of is that the only best interests he has at heart are his own, and we’ll have to hope Sansa doesn’t become a victim of that.
The gates of the Wall then rise in blustering snow as he continues: “Last, best hope against the coming storm.” We cut to Theon looking scared on what could be a burning ship, and Melisandre being all emo by the coast somewhere southern enough that the snow hasn’t reached it yet.
We see a bunch of Wildlings running away from something beyond the Wall – White Walkers, surely? And then we cut to Arya, who is camping out with her horse and lets out a massive sigh. How short will the list be by the end of the season? And more importantly, will the theory that she finally reunites with Nymeria come true? Please let it be...
Back beyond the Wall by the looks of it, and there’s a ring of men standing in the snow. Someone on Reddit has speculated that these men are a mix of Wildlings and Night’s Watch, which suggests there could be some kind of proper alliance between the two at last. See, feel stupid for killing Jon now, don’t you?
Ser Davos’ voice chimes in over the top: "If we don't put aside our enmities and band together, we will die." Of it course it would be Davos – the show’s best character, don’t @ me – who delivers the line of the trailer – a line which basically sums up the remaining two seasons of Game of Thrones. All this petty struggling for power is going to have to stop at some point, otherwise Westeros is being turned into an army of White Walkers and no one will care if you’re a Lannister, a Stark or a Targaryen when you’re a member of the walking dead.
Extremely creepy shot of Littlefinger thrown in here for good measure. Brrrrrrr.
Right, back to the action. Here we’ve got some badass Dothraki practically doing gymnastics on horseback, which obviously I’m all for, and then we see a fiery ship being stormed – probably something to do with that bit with Theon earlier, which would suggest Euron’s involved too.
And then we finally, FINALLY, get to see the main man’s face. It’s Davos. He’s here. The crowd (which is made up entirely of me and my clones) goes wild. DAVOS! DAVOS! DAVOS! DAVOS!
“And then it doesn’t matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne” – he’s continuing from earlier. He’s that quote in full, in case you’ve forgotten the first bit already: “If we don't put aside our enmities and band together, we will die, and then it doesn’t matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne.” Damn fucking straight Davos. What a legend.
Not long to go now, and fuck, The Mountain has tuned into Darth Vader. Also here’s a nice shot of Daenerys and Tyrion doing a bit of war planning. Nice way to start the day that; get the paper, nice cup of tea and a nice hour or two or planning a horrible, deadly war. Bliss.
Something’s going down in the crypt at Winterfell now! And Jon’s there, which suggests he’s learning something about his parents. He’s having a pretty heated confrontation with someone who looks like Littlefinger. He’s only causing trouble this season isn’t he, Littlefinger. Not like he has in previous seasons of course, when he’s been a perfect angel...
It’s suddenly all going very quickly. We’ve got more Unsullied v Lannister fighting in which the Unsullied look well on top, Arya’s putting her ear to the floor to listen to something, and Jorah’s gross, grayscaley hand even gets a look in. Is he going to just lop it off? Grim.
More quickfire stuff: Dothraki again, Jon Snow and Tormund running away from something (either it’s White Walkers or Tormund’s said something verrry inappropriate to Brienne), Grey Worm’s whipping his shirt off like a lad, Ellaria Sand is kissing Yara (whut?!) one of those chess piece thingies they all use for planning battles gets knocked over, and a burning man falls into the sea. I see what they mean about this faster pace...
The screen turns black, it looks like we’re done. But nope, dragon roar! And here’s one of Dany’s dragons swooping over a plain of Dothraki soldiers. Jon Snow’s voice comes in over the top: “The great war is here.”
Well it might be for you, Jon, but we all still have to wait another 43 days. At least from all this we know there’s a hell of a lot to look forward to.
Something we couldn’t help but notice about this trailer, though – the White Walkers are extremely conspicuous by their absence. Somehow, not seeing them makes me even more worried about what’s going to happen. Is everyone prepared? Is everyone ready?
See you in 43 days.