I don’t often watch I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! for a number of reasons:
1. There aren’t ever any celebrities on it
2. I don’t like the way they eat animals alive for a laugh
3. There aren’t ever any celebrities on it
But guess what, me? I’ll be watching the next season, because one of my favourite humans is going to be on it: Danny Dyer. Yes, that’s Danny Dyer from one of my favourite films of all time, The Business, oh and that Eastenders thing that everyone seems to watch. This is Danny Dyer: genuine celebrity. He is not merely the girlfriend of a celebrity. He is not a person who is only famous in America. He is a bonifide, I-know-who-he-is, celebrity.
Now, and I don’t want to burst your bubble here, it’s not 100% confirmed, but if you head down the bookies, it’s odds on he will appear. Betfair are offering a 2/1 chance that he’ll fly dahn undah and get pwoper nawty around that muggy little campfire.
Please, Danny, go into the jungle - I’ll make a bet you’ve had a jellied eel before, so I doubt a kangaroo testicle will give you much jip. And you’ve defo had a Fray Bentos before, so you’re used to eating out of cans - you can boss this show a new one. True, you won’t be able to get ‘on it’, but if you win the prize money, think of the sesh you’ll be able to bang out when you get back to the hotel.
Also, you’ve got a big chance of winning this thing - you’re a pretty popular lad, so as long as you don’t lose the plot and start a barney with everyone, it’ll be plain sailing. I’ll vote for you and I’ve never ever voted on a reality show before.*
Other stars rumoured to be appearing include Kem from Love Island, who needs to do this while his fame is hot - can’t appear in a year’s time when everyone’s forgotten who he is. Also, Gemma Collins is tipped to return after her damp squib of a stint last time - she’s even got Dec’s esteemed approval, with a source telling The Sun:
“Gemma has been backed by Dec, he thought she was really good and he told Gemma she would be great if she came back to the show.”
My fingers are certainly crossed for all of them, but I’ve got my toes crossed as well for Danny.
Anything with Danny in is worth watching, in my opinion. I could watch him on his own on a seesaw for three hours and I’d love it. You know I’m right, you faackin mugs.
*Apart from Love Island, but I’m 98% sure that the entire country voted on that, so it’s OK.