A lot of people cuss out Monopoly – it’s too long, too complicated and too table-flippingly frustrating, they say. I thought about this the other day and realised I only had fond memories of it – I used to love a little game with the family. Then I remembered it was because I was playing JUNIOR Monopoly. That’s the one for dumbos, the easier one – so yeah, my opinions on the actual Monopoly are maybe a bit skewed. Skewed towards the nursery.
Anyway, all the big, adult Monopoly fans collectively threw their boards up the chimney when Hasbro announced they were to be switching things up and introducing some new characters to the game (as well as sacking some older ones). Basically, back in Jan, Hasbro released a big bunch of new player pieces to choose from, and the public could vote on what they wanted, with the winners being introduced into future editions of the game. Here’s the original batch of contenders:
If you’re asking, my favourites were the cool sports car, the monster truck and the T-Rex, and hugely obviously my least favourite was the hashtag. #fuckoff
Anyway, the winners have now been announced, and I am one-third pleased. Here they are:
Obviously the T-Rex is the wickedest one, and I haven’t decided which is the wackest one yet – think it might be a draw.
Of course, with all this drama comes some upsetting news. You know how when someone new starts at work, it means that someone else has to be binned – that’s how offices work I think – the same happens on a Monopoly board. So the introduction of three new pieces means that three old ones get dumped. But who?
Fortunately, it’s that little dork the thimble and his wet mate the wheelbarrow. Great news so far, but then to my extreme distress, the big boy boot got dissed out onto the shit heap, too. I loved the boot, why couldn’t they have got rid of the ship? What a jip.
Also, while I’ve got the mic, there’s still no news on any changes within the Junior Monopoly sphere. I voted for the dummy, the nappy and the rusk, FYI, would be great to get an update round here, ffs.