To say West Ham United fans are less than impressed with their new manager would be an understatement.
David Moyes probably wasn’t most people’s first choice to replace predecessor Slaven Bilic, and if the club ends up getting relegated they won’t be able to say they weren’t warned.
We made some suggestions for who the club should have brought in instead, but even our most ridiculous and over-the-top tips were no match for reality.
For that, we go over to Stuart, or possibly Stewart, who called up Talksport to have a go at Moyes after the Scot lost his first game in charge against Watford.
Just listen to this five minutes of pure brilliance:
Rather than rushing things, we’ve decided to go over his comments line-by-line:
“It’s David Moyes, mate, it’s time for him to go, I think.”
Okay, fine, many didn’t want him there to begin with.
“In this day and age, it’s so important when you bring in that manager to have this kind of rescue mission, you need to get off to a good start, and this guy, he’s come in and he’s lost his first game”
It tends to take a little longer than that.
“I’ve seen the lack of passion today, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Were you not watching the previous game? Or the 3-0 home defeat to Brighton? Or the 3-0 away defeat at Newcastle? Or the 4-0 loss at Man Utd? Or several of the limp defeats last season?
“The players don’t seem to be behind him, and that’s what’s really getting me.”
It’s been one game, Stu.
“He’s come in, he knows nothing about the club.”
He knows they’re in East London, at least – he made that clear when he said even if the club went down, he’d be able to have 7 months in East London. Admittedly, that might not make things better.
“He knows nothing about East London. What I want to see is an East London lad taking charge.”
Surely you don’t mean giving someone the job just because they’re from East London?
“I know, call me outrageous, I think Mark Noble.”
Oh, right, that’s exactly what you mean.
“He’s from the area…I’m telling you now, he’d get the passion out of the players.”
Like he did when he captained the club to a 2-0 defeat on Sunday?
“You can’t ask him to motivate players as a captain, he needs to manage the club.”
Got it. Captain isn’t supposed to motivate.
“Are you telling me coming from the area doesn’t influence your level of passion?”
Yes. Literally yes.
Host Andy Goldstein went on to ask Stuart whether he’d take Pep Guardiola if he was offered to the club, presumably just to see if he’d realise his lack of logic or just double down.
You can guess which option he took.
“He’s not from the area, mate, he’d never get any passion out of them boys,” he said.
“Ray Winstone could be assistant, I couldn’t rule it out.”
(Images: Rex Features)