The BBC have marked the 25th anniversary of the Premier League by getting their capital B Basic viewers to vote for the best goal of the last quarter-century.
Predictably, Dennis Bergkamp’s moment of brilliance against Newcastle United came out on top there, but plenty of brilliant strikes didn’t even make the final cut, that frankly, should have.
These are the 25 goals you would have voted for, if only you’d remembered them in time.
1. Craig Bellamy - Blackburn Rovers v Portsmouth (2005/06)
It would be understandable that Bellamy’s reputation as a troublemaker overshadows his goalscoring ability, had he not done things like this.
2. Yossi Benayoun - West Ham United v Fulham (2005/06)
To score the best goal in a game that also involved Anton Ferdinand - ANTON FERDINAND! - scoring a volley on the turn is no mean feat.
3. Stephen Carr - Tottenham Hotspur v Sunderland (1999/2000)
There’s an easy joke to be made about a Carr motoring down the wing, but I’m not going to make it. As a wise man once said, the lowest hanging fruit is openly acknowledging low hanging fruit whilst stating that you are above it.
4. Papiss Demba Cisse - Newcastle United v Chelsea (2011/12)
Five years have passed and no one knows how this ended up going where it did. Not even Cisse himself.
5. Carlton Cole - West Ham United v Wigan Athletic (2008/09)
Throughout the four years Sam Allardyce was in charge of West Ham, the words ‘one-touch football’ might as well have been a different language. But just a few years earlier, they scored one of the best inch-perfect team goals you’ll ever see.
6. Erik Edman - Tottenham Hotspur v Liverpool (2004/05)
Your dad keeps complaining about the new footballs and how they ‘move in the air’. Frankly, footballs staying still in the air would be more impressive. And anyway, balls can be made out of paper for all we care if they can produce goals like this.
7. Eidur Gudjohnsen - Chelsea v Leeds United (2002/03)
Not enough bicycle kicks bounce before crossing the line. There, I said it.
8. Pajtim Kasami - Fulham v Crystal Palace (2013/14)
Kasami is left-footed. Let that sink in.
9. Jon Harley - Fulham v Aston Villa (2002/03)
There was a time when Jon Harley, not Ashley Cole, was considered a far better prospect as England’s next best left back. Then we realised he wasn’t a good defender, he was just good at kicking the fuck out of a football. Then we forgot about the distinction again and started picking Leighton Baines ahead of Cole.
10. Jermaine Jenas - Newcastle United v Manchester United (2002/03)
Is this the best goal ever scored in a 6-2 defeat? Clearly, because 6-2 is a stupid scoreline that needs to be outlawed from the game.
11. Harry Kewell - Leeds United v Sheffield Wednesday (1999/2000)
Kewell was a wonderful player to watch before Leeds collapsed in on themselves and he moved on to an injury-hit spell at Liverpool. This goal effectively relegated Sheffield Wednesday in 2000, but if you’re going to go down you might as well go out in style.
Bonus info: I watched this goal at Activity World because my sister was having her birthday party there and I was too old for the soft play area.
12. Georgi Kinkladze - Manchester City v Southampton (1995/96)
Were defenders worse in the mid-’90s, or was Kinkladze a genius who should have achieved a lot more? A little from column A, a little from column B.
13. Matt Le Tissier - Southampton v Manchester United (1996/97)
Not only did he make Peter Schmeichel look stupid, but he did so in a game where Southampton put six past Manchester United. Southampton. Six goals. Yeah.
14. Matt Lowton - Aston Villa v Stoke City (2012/13)
Remember when Paul Lambert got rid of Aston Villa’s senior players and replaced them with his own version of the Lost Boys? It was mostly unbelievably terrible, but at least it produced moments like this. I like to think Lowton’s goal is why Steve Bruce has insisted on playing several right backs at once this season.
15. Wayne Rooney - Manchester United v Bolton Wanderers (2006/07)
2007 Rooney was the best Rooney and I will fight anyone who disagrees. Time from Cristiano Ronaldo’s chest control in his own area to Rooney’s dink crossing the line: 13 seconds.
16. Tomas Rosicky - Arsenal v Sunderland (2013/14)
Rosicky was a wonderful player until his bones all turned to glass sometime around 2014. Here he is at the start, middle and end of Arsenal playing the hits in between shipping five against Liverpool and six at Chelsea. Sumptuous.
17. Bryan Ruiz - Fulham v Everton (2011/12)
I was at Craven Cottage for this goal, and felt very smug having been there to witness a once-in-a-season moment. Then I left the ground and discovered I’d missed Manchester City’s 6-1 win at Old Trafford. This is why I don’t get excited about things any more.
18. Youssef Safri - Norwich City v Newcastle United (2004/05)
It’s scientific fact that goals which go in off the bar are better than goals which don’t. Bonus points for this being a) Against a still-good Shay Given, b) Being from fucking miles out and c) It was THE ONLY GOAL SAFRI EVER SCORED IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE.
19. Mario Stanic - Chelsea v West Ham United (2000/01)
Imagine doing this on your debut. You’d just phone it in after that, content that nothing else you did for the club would ever be as good. That’s what Stanic did, anyway. The two goals he scored in this game were the only ones he got all season.
20. Trevor Sinclair - West Ham United v Derby County (2001/02)
No, not that bicycle kick. That was for QPR in the FA Cup. The best part about this goal is the ball doesn’t touch the ground from the moment it leaves the corner quadrant to when it crosses the line.
21. Michael Tarnat - Manchester City v Blackburn Rovers (2003/04)
Imagine trying to recreate Roberto Carlos in a Volkswagen factory and getting the dimensions a bit off. This is what you end up with.
22. Robin van Persie - Arsenal v Charlton Athletic (2006/07)
How does he get his foot that high? How does he keep the ball down? That’s not how physics works.
23. Amr Zaki - Wigan Athletic v Liverpool (2008/09)
When Wigan signed Amr Zaki, he was the best player in the world according to maths. Or something like that. He scored 11 goals by the turn of the year, and then just stopped. He only scored for one of his next seven clubs, content that there were no more worlds to conquer.
24. Rod Wallace - Leeds United v Tottenham (1993/94)
Number of uninterrupted touches: 14. Number of touches using Wallace’s left foot: three, at a combined distance of about a yard. The best five-a-side goal scored on an 11-a-side pitch.
25. Santiago Vergini – Sunderland v Southampton (2014/15)
Brilliant technique. He couldn’t have hit that sweeter. What do you mean his team was shooting the other way?
Before this game, Sunderland captain John O’Shea said he hoped the club could improve on their strong defensive record. This was the first of three own goals in an 8-0 defeat.
(Main image: Rex Features)