It’s been a universal truth for millennia: the Vengaboys have the power to bring people together. Ever since they formed eons ago, their music has had the infallible capability to create happiness in a gloomy world. You might not even realise that you’re succumbing to the power of the Vengaboys, but you are, you will.
Just look at the following video for proof. It shows, quite simply, a car driving down an English high street, absolutely blaring the Vengaboys hit Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!. Watch what happens – it’s amazing:
It’s like dropping a kilo of catnip into the middle of a cattery. It’s like hurling a leg of beef into an alligator-infested swamp. It’s like shouting to me and my friends that Ex On The Beach is on.
Put the Vengaboys on, and The Lads will instantly flock towards you, beers in hand, hopping about like extras in a Scooter video, and chant DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DER DAH, DUH DUH DUH DUH DER DAH DUH DUH, DUH DUH DER DAH DUR DA DUR DUR, DUH DUH DUH DUH DA DUR DA.
They will also, quite inconsiderately and without invite, jump onto your car bonnet. This is an unfortunate side-effect.
But no matter – it’s just what happens, and the sooner you come to accept this, the sooner you can join me next week in getting a full back tattoo of all four original members. It’s gonna be wizard