Music

The Darkness have written a song about Southern Rail being crap, and we love it

Posted by
Dave Fawbert
Published
The Darkness Southern Rail

List of things I did not expect to be writing about this morning: #1. Rock titans The Darkness releasing a song about Southern Rail.

But - and I’m just checking my screen again - yes, that’s exactly what’s happening right now.

Clearly, the band have finally reached the breaking point that commuters on the legendarily-appalling rail franchise have felt for many years - with constant delays, cancellations and general shocking mismanagement - and have committed their frustration to tape in the form of ‘Southern Trains’, taken from their forthcoming fifth album Pinewood Smile, which is due for release on 6 October.

What’s most exciting though, is that this is an absolute riproaring snorter of a track, walking that classic Darkness fine line between being really funny and actually really good at the same time. The video clearly cost about £50 (if that) to make, featuring images of Southern Rail hell and, for some reason, a load of Snapchat filters.

Wrap your ears around this beauty:

The lyrics don’t hold back (this is my best guess at them anyway):

Air con set to sub-Arctic
If it moves, it isn’t quick
Major delays, cancellations, tedious conversations
Trying to eat your dinner with an ass in your face, it’s a disgrace

It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere

Journey into pure despair
I just wanna get somewhere
Throw away the itinerary and hold my place
In one place, stationary
On your marks, get set, start this
Southern trains, atone

It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere

Them Southern trains
Choo-choo, boo-hoo, yeah

Heaving carriages of indignation,
Grown men weeping at pure frustration,
Totally packed and always late and [indesipherable]

It’s a journey into pure despair
There are fucking assholes everywhere
I can smell piss and shit in the air
Fuck you, Southern trains, we’re not getting anywhere

Well, next time you’re stuck on a train with another hour delay, stick this on the stereo about 20 times and it might make you feel a bit better.

(Image: Rex)

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Dave Fawbert

ShortList.com staff writer Dave’s primary passions are pop, prose, punning and power ballads (and alliteration). A lower division football enthusiast and long-suffering cricket fan, he is one of only 110 people followed on Twitter by Chas Hodges from Chas ‘n’ Dave. Follow Dave on Twitter like Chas: @davefawbert

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