It’s been bloody ages since we had a good Christmas number one.
The Eighties, Nineties and early Noughties saw a host of belters – novelty records (Mr Blobby, Bob The Builder) festive classics (Mistletoe and Wine/Merry Christmas Everyone) or just really good songs (Don’t You Want Me Baby/Always On My Mind) – but then the X Factor arrived and ruined it all, dominating the festive charts from 2005 to now, with a few notable exceptions (2009’s anti-X Factor triumph of Rage Against The Machine and a few laudable charity singles).
But now a challenger has emerged. The Christmas number one we want. The Christmas number one we need right now.
Step forward the Everly Pregnant Brothers and South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue, with their instant classic Chip Pan.
It parodies Kings of Leon’s Sex on Fire, and it’s testament to the track’s quality that even though we’re all beyond bored of that song – a massive 2008 hit now heard after Mr Brightside at every wedding ever - it still manages to be hilarious.
It apparently aims to raise awareness of the dangers of home fires, with firefighters and 999 operators urging the public not to cook while drunk, but let’s face it, its main objective is just to be funny.
It’s also a charity record, with assistant chief fire officer Martin Blunden explaining: “This record is clearly a bit of festive fun, but with chip pans still responsible for large numbers of house fires every year, we think there’s a safety message in there somewhere… It’s all for a good cause, with every penny the band makes going to support older and homeless people, which is very much part of the fire service’s ethos of helping the most vulnerable people in our communities.”
So it’s a novelty record, actually good, and it’s raising money for charity? Let’s get this to the top spot pronto.
Oh, and this one’s really good too: