Entertainment

Why Michael Deacon isn’t impressed with Labour

Michael Deacon isn't at all impressed with the utter nonsense being offered by Labour

Ed Miliband recently announced that all new immigrants must learn English. Perhaps he should demand his advisers learn it, too. Labour’s new manifesto is a bonanza of jargon and guff-propelled wonk-speak, with only the faintest resemblance to English.

Imagine you’re a Labour canvasser. You knock on a door in Middlesbrough. “Good morning! Did you know Labour recognises the vital importance of the power of people’s relationships to build the capacity for love, care and resilience? P44!”

The voter peers at you as if you’ve announced you live in a hat on the moon.

“Access to cultural activity!” you shout. “We will guarantee that every young person has access to cultural activity! P55!”

The door closes in your face.

Everyone who works in politics claims to love The Thick Of It. But judging by the gibberish, they’ve somewhat missed the joke.