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If you have these skills listed on your CV then you’re less likely to get a job

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Gary Ogden
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Most people don’t know how rubbish their CV is – hell, I haven’t properly updated it in ages. I don’t think at this stage in my life, anybody still cares that I know how to make hot dogs at the cinema – I should probably delete that part.

But there’s a load more stuff you should delete, too. Data company Pay Scale carried out some research and found a bunch of offending skills that appear to do more harm than good when it comes to CVs. The analysis involved finding the 25 skills that yielded the biggest pay hits, with the very worst of them achieving a 15.4% negative pay gap. Not good, basically.

So in case you’ve got any of them on your CV, I’ve included the full list below so that you can check. Get out that tooth-comb, buddy.

1. Filing

2. Property management

3. Data entry

4. Bookkeeping

5. AS/400

6. Call centre

7. Help desk/help support

8. Collections

9. Intuit QuickBooks

10. Delphi

11. Packaging

12. Computer hardware technician

13. Plumbing

14. Administration

15. Pricing

16. System repair

17. Shipping

18. Document preparation

19. Customer service

20. Dreamweaver

21. Online research

22. Paying invoices

23. Phone support

24. Wordpress

25. Typing

Very enlightening, actually – although if you think any employer will be impressed by the fact that you can type, then you’re probably heading for a knock-back.

Additionally, I did some research of my own, and I’ve found another 25 skills that will not be conducive to nabbing a new job. Here they are:

1. Slug-keeping

2. Nose-picking

3. Fart-doing

4. Eating loudly

5. Disappearing 

6. Breathing too much

7. Complaining

8. Extremely competent in doing that thing where you point to someone’s chest and when they look down you flick them in the face

9. Encarta 95 proficient

10. Loud. Just very loud

11. Being cool

12. Femidom expert

13. Cat and dog stroking

14. General sluggishness

15. Sweating, with additional experience in stinking

16. Fox hunting

17. Tripping over

18. Can make a mean goulash 

19. Expert in blind ignorance

20. Moderate experience in paper cuts

21. Gargling

22. Speling

23. Once smashed a mirror cos I don’t give a shit

24. Seven years’ experience in bad luck

25. CV writing

You’ll have me to thank when you score that next position – you’re welcome. Enjoy the spoils.

(Image: iStock)

 

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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