“Oh...a comedic mug...thanks...*places new cup with 20 other cups*.”
Don’t be that guy.
Whether you want to give someone you actually like a decent gift on a budget or want to spite that douche bag in the office with a thoughtful present, here are some genuinely good Secret Santa gifts that don’t exceed £20.
Make someone’s monotonous work notes/dick drawings a treat to write by gifting them this Q-Bound marble notebook
Delirium Christmas beer
10 per cent volume. This is middle class Special Brew, but it’s bloody delicious and it’s one of the best looking beer bottles we’ve ever seen. If we were in uni, we’d be lining the empty by our window.
Personalised chilli jars
Literally spice up someone’s desk while patronising them at the same time with this personalised chilli plant.
Passive aggressive office notes not getting through to the people who pinch your mate’s stationary? Help them get the message through, as well as a one-to-one with HR, with this sweary pen.
Bike repair kit
We all have at least one annoying cyclist in our lives who brags about how their bike changed their life, so give them something practical like this bike repair kit, consisting of a multi-tool, spanner and puncture repair tape.
Has there ever been such a dad gift? The only thing that would trump this is if someone invented an alert system for when someone changes the thermostat temperature without informing papa.
Crap Taxidermy book
Dead stuffed animals shouldn’t be funny, but when they’re made to look like this it’s absolutely hilarious.
Apothecary 87 vanilla & mango pomade
No one wants hair that smells of chemicals and a spiky fringe that mirrors a hedgehog, so go for a fine smelling pomade instead and give your locks a slicked back Fifties style with a heavenly scent of vanilla and mango.
Herschel pencil case
Thought pencil cases were just for kids who run to school with their Peppa Pig lunchboxes? Wrong, they can come in sleek minimal designs that don’t portray and cartoon characters, demonstrated here by Canadian brand Herschel.
Shoe polish kit
Don’t let someone spit on their shoes and wipe away with their fingers. It's not the bloody wild west, that’s savage. Treat them to a shoe polish kit featuring two types of polish, two brushes and a polishing cloth.
Give someone the smug pleasure of playing their niche music choices for everyone to hear on various forms of public transport with this portable smartphone speaker.
Pub Quiz game
People are overrated. Stay at home and avoid interacting with the rest of humanity and only gather those around you that you get on with for a pub quiz. Because strangers are cheating bastards.
Bottle opener key
You can often look like an efficient alcoholic when you have a regular bottle opener attached to your keys, so disguise someone’s drinking problem with this crafty key opener instead.
Hip flask & shot glasses
Know someone boozy and want them to share that booze? Get them this matte black hip flask with accompanying shot glasses and force them to share the love/bourbon.
Paul Smith socks
When we were kids we all hated getting socks. But now as adults, we can truly appreciate the gift of keeping our feet warm and putting off the washing for another day. Show someone the bliss of getting luxurious socks with this classically British Paul Smith pair.
Old fashioned kit
Everything you need for the perfect old fashioned right in one box. They couldn’t possibly mess it up. But if they really are that hopeless, tell them to just neck the whisky and keep the rest displayed in the kitchen to make the place look fancy.