Love a scary movie, me, could watch them all the time, every day, forever - I like being scared, essentially. Shame then, that nothing really gets to me anymore - I’ve seen too much and I know what’s coming, there are no surprises. Still, some of you lot, you wimpy scaredy cats with your pants all strewn over the doormat, get spooked well easily.
For example, just look at It - not scary, but it’s shat up the entire world, and made an absolute truckful of moolah in the process. Interestingly though, according to new research by ScS (for some reason), the top 10 scariest movie and TV moments according to the British public only features two shocks from the past 10 years. Seems it’s still the classics that give us the willies. The old-fashioned, dusty, wrinkly willies.
Here, take a look - from least scary to most, here’s the top 10, with the percentage of people who named the scene their scariest:
(Needless to say, a coupla spoilers hide within)
10. The Sixth Sense (1999) - The line “I see dead people” – 5%
Is it still scary now? No, it resolutely is not, because it was not scary then. It is literally not a scary part of the film - a film in which there are many. The bit where Haley Joel Osment says “I see dead people” is not a scary bit. It’s a kid in a bed, saying words, with no ghosts. Who is saying this part is scary? This part wouldn’t say boo to a goose.
9. The X Files (1996) – ‘Home’ an episode in which a deformed baby’s body is found buried in a baseball field – 5%
Is it still scary now? Yes, it is - it’s a horribly deformed baby that’s been buried in a field by a family of inbred maniacs. Yes that is still scary, and yes, The X-Files is still amazing. Good work, that particular 5%, you have good taste.
8. Twin Peaks (1990) – Maddy’s vision of the demon BOB stalking her – 5%
Is it still scary now? Not really - it’s a man climbing over a sofa and then headbutting a camera. Good music, but a pretty tame scene in the grand scheme of things. Terrifying haircut though.
7. Dr Who (1963) - The Daleks first appearance – 6%
Is it still scary now? Fucking obviously not - the daleks are massive dorks whose balls haven’t dropped yet. They are vaccuum cleaners with the voice of Joe Pasquale. If I saw a dalek, I would give it the biggest wedgie you’ve ever seen. Daleks are absolute swotters, and they can fuck off. Scary my metallic butt-cheeks.
6. It (2017) - The scene in which Georgie Denbrough meets the terrifying Pennywise the first and last time – 6%
Is it still scary now? Well, yes, because it only came out about a month ago, and it was scary then. It is, as it happens, the only scary scene in the whole movie, but it’s genuinely shocking - really did not expect to see something like that in a mainstream horror movie. If only the rest of the film was as horrifying.
5. Dr Who (2007) – ‘Blink’ an episode about killer statues that move when you’re not looking at them – 7%
Is it still scary now? Nopey noo-noo, and it wasn’t then. Absolutely petryfying idea, but carried out with a BBC sensibility. Namely: rubbish caricatured faces, silly camera-work and a floppy-haired man crying “Sall-eh pleese, ah cahn’t do thees!” in a northern accent. Dr Who is for nerds anyway, isn’t it, eh? Big old nerds like Dr Who. YA NERDS!
4. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - Hannibal Lector`s first encounter with Clarice Starling – 11%
Is it still scary now? I mean, not especially. It’s tense, sure, a little weird, but it’s not exactly scary, is it? actually, the bit with the “I ate his bum with some Lambrini… thbthbthbthbthb” is funny, which in my experience, is the opposite of scary. The Silence Of The Lambs isn’t even a scary film as a whole, is it? Throw your nappies out and grow up, babies.
3. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - The scene when Freddy murders Tina in her dream – 12%
Is it still scary now? Yeah baby, still scary - an absolutely classic scene in an absolutely classic movie - I will not have a bad word said about this masterpiece.
OK, that bit at the end where the mum gets sucked through the door is fucking stupid - almost ruins the whole film. But apart from that, flawless.
2. Psycho (1962) - the dramatic murder of Marion Crane as she takes a shower – 16%
Is it still scary now? Unfortunately not. Yes, I understand it will have been mighty shocking for the time, but it just doesn’t cut the mustard nowadays - it’s all a bit schlocky, ain’t it? I mean, it’s a damn sight better than the scene where that bloke falls down the stairs - but it’s still not what it used to be.
God, that bloke falling down the stairs is gyot-damn hilarious, and come on, it must have been even then.
1. The Exorcist (1973) - When possessed child Regan’s head spins 360-degrees – 20%
Is it still scary now? Naa I’m gonna go with no. There’s only a few scary bits in The Exorcist, and they’re when that bastard Pazuzu’s face pops up and makes you sluice an unwelcome whoopsie in your knick-knocks. Apart from that, heads spinning around are nowt new now; I ain’t scared of no stupid idiot owl. Gimme a break.
(Images: BBC/Rex/Samad Jble (header)/New Line Cinema/Warner Bros/20th Televsion)