Films

There’s a remake of ‘The Matrix’ in the works because nothing is original anymore

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Gary Ogden
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All the ideas have gone, the world today is an apocalyptic wasteland, where once ideas ran wild and free, lush jungles full of creativity flourished and oceans awash with colourful, unique thoughts drenched the planet.

Now, it’s a desert, a dusty landscape littered with DVD cases, populated by tired, desperate Hollywood executives in torn and battered suits, frantically scrambling across the sun-scorched ground, grabbing at debris for inspiration.

But what’s that? Is it a beautiful, refreshing pool of ideas in the distance? It is! Go get it, tiger! It’s your only life line – sprint towards it and gulp down those fresh, ice-cold ideas straight from the source!

IT WAS A MIRAGE.

You are still out of ideas. So why don’t you pick up that DVD of The Matrix over there? Dust it off and read the synopsis. COPY IT. Sell this precious idea at one of the terrifying markets over in New-Hollywood – you’ll make enough money to live for a few more months, unlike those “original creators”, whose bodies are strewn across the ground around you, their decomposing arms aloft with spec scripts, never bought, pages scattering in the atomic wind.

You’ve got the right idea. If it worked once, it will work again. Get ready for the big time...

Basically they’re making The Matrix again, because, why not? They do it with everything else, and 18 years is a long time, right? Might as well.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Warner Bros. are looking to get Zak Penn, a man who has lent his writing talents to films like X2 and The Avengers, to “Penn” a new script (ZOING!). There are also rumours that Michael B. Jordan (Creed) is in the running for the main role. The idea behind the whole thing is that, after the success of Disney’s expansion of the Star Wars franchise, the same thing could be adapted to The Matrix.

Of course, this is all in the very early stages. It hasn’t received the all-important blessing from the original creators of the franchise, the Wachowskis; and Keanu Reeves, ultimate badass that he currently is, has said in the past that he’d only return if the Wachowskis did; which come on, is unlikely to happen.

Really, leave it alone – they already tried expanding it with two sequels, and they weren’t exactly “good”, were they? If they absolutely, positively have to, then at least just do another sequel, not a remake – you can’t improve on a classic.

 

[Images: Warner Bros.]

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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