WARNING WARNING WARNING: Spoilers lie ahead. Do not read on if you haven’t seen The Last Jedi yet.
Star Wars Episode VIII is out and most people seem to have dug it. Porgs are good, those glittery wolf things are good, it turns out Mark Hamill can actually act and, if you ignore the fact that huge chunks of the movie lead literally nowhere, all is good. The James Bond planet is a bit silly, but nothing’s perfect. As with any film like this, fans are rushing to put together theories on secrets undisclosed by the film, future twists and unseen mysteries. Some are more convincing than others, and not enough of them involve Chewbacca and his Porg friend falling in love.
Theory One: It was Kylo Ren, not Leia, who moved Leia through space.
This theory by Redditor Vivaitalia1012 suggests that, having never shown herself as a Force user before, General Leia wouldn’t be able to use the Force so powerfully when blasted out of her ship, and it was in fact Kylo Ren who floated her back to safety.
How convincing is it? Hmm. No. Surely Leia’s demonstration of incredible Force abilities is the floaty-space version of when people lift up cars to get their babies out and stuff - big-ass strength coming out due to bad shit going down. If there’s ever a time when you’re really going to give something your all, it’s when you’re floating out to a certain death in the cold infinity of space.
Theory Two: Rey is Han and Leia’s daughter, and Kylo Ren’s sister.
This theory by MrElon is based on the idea that Luke’s old lightsaber called out to Rey because it recognised her bloodline - she’s a Skywalker. She’s Luke’s niece.
How convincing is it? Not convincing at all. Wouldn’t Han or Leia have mentioned something in the last film? And it would make the “we definitely find each other quite attractive” bits with Rey and Kylo really dodgy.
Theory Three: Rey is a clone.
When Rey asks who her parents are, she’s met by a long line of replicas of herself - because she’s her own parent, being a clone. So goes this theory by Bradrlaw, who expands upon it with the idea that the original Rey was slightly Force sensitive and the cloning was an effort to enhance that.
How convincing is it? Hang on, are clones their own parents? Or if you clone someone, does the clone have the same mum and dad as the original? How the shit does cloning work? Who was Dolly the sheep’s real dad?
Theory Four: Kylo Ren lied about Rey’s parents.
Kylo Ren tells Rey her parents were nobodies, buried in a pauper’s grave on Jakku after abandoning her. But in The Force Awakens we saw her being abandoned and a spaceship flying away. So says Itrytowrite1, who reckons the spaceship is also a bit too nice to be owned by paupers.
How convincing is it? Like, they could have flown away then come back, right? Or flown their spaceship to another part of the same planet? But there could be something in this…
Theory Five: Snoke made Luke believe that Ben was evil.
There’s a bit of a chicken/egg thing on the go with Kylo Ren’s evilness - Luke knew that he was turning to the dark side, but the thing that fully turned him was Luke planning to kill him. This theory by CookedStew posits that it was Snoke’s doing, manipulating Luke into sending Ben bad.
How convincing is it? Hmm. Not out of the question, but wouldn’t it defeat the point of what Ghost Yoda taught Luke about failure? It’s better as it is. If Snoke was doing it, then Luke never failed, so never learned shit.
Theory Six: Luke is actually Kylo Ren’s father.
No, no, no, no, no, stupid, bollocks, rubbish. Shut up, Reddit user Dinhtaros.
How convincing is it? None. None convincing. It would completely ruin the last two films if that happened, and make everything in the whole world stupid.