Indiana Jones and The Lost Stairlift.
When the fifth outing of cinema’s foremost fedora-wearing archaeologist was announced by Disney yesterday, with Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg returning to the action, our immediate thoughts went to Harrison’s knees. Those poor creaky knees.
At 75 – he’ll be 77 when the film comes out - he’s practically an artefact himself at this point. Not to mention a man also on the mend from two major injuries, one stemming from an accident on the set of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in which a door was dropped on his shoulder, the other when he crashed his plane onto a golf course.
We were far from alone in our concern:
BLADE RUNNER 2 in 2018— Rob Trench (@robtrench) March 15, 2016
INDIANA JONES 5 in 2019
WITNESS 2 in 2020
Indiana Jones 5: The year is 1989. Indy is a 90 year old vegetable being wheeled from dig site to dig site by his 50 year old son.— Rob Yeo (@robjyeo) March 4, 2016
The news even spawned a hashtag called #NewIndianaJonesMovieTitles:
Still, at least he had some fans. Step forward Jimmy Kimmel...
Naturally, then came the little problem of Harrison's forgettable fourth Indy sequel – 2008’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...
And of course someone had to bring up fridge-gate again.
Indiana Jones and the Slow, Painful Death from Radiation Poisoning. Just workshopping it right now.— Rick Porter (@rickporter) March 15, 2016
Other Twitter users pondered over Shia Labeouf's involvement. Considering the actor didn't enjoy the film (would you after that CGI monkey swinging scene?) yet his reveal as spawn of Jones makes him a tough character to write out.
Then again, we would pay handsomely to see this:
What do you think about the new film? Let us know below.