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Here is the official plot synopsis for the Han Solo 'Star Wars' spin-off

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Mike Rampton
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The official plot synopsis for Solo is out, and says: not much 3

The origin story of the film world’s favourite swashbuckling space pirate, Solo, comes out in May. The production of it has been slightly troubled, but we’ll finally get to see what a teenage Chewbacca looks like, plus we might see the Kessel Run get made in less than 12 parsecs*, and there’ll probably be a scene where Han Solo gets his sleeves ripped off and then decides he really likes it as a look.

Alden Ehrenreich is stepping into Han Solo’s shoes, Donald Glover is donning Lando Calrissian’s moustache and Woody Harrelson is playing someone called Beckett, a mentor figure to Solo.

Disney have just released an official synopsis:

Board the Millennium Falcon and journey to a galaxy far, far away in Solo: A Star Wars Story, an all-new adventure with the most beloved scoundrel in the galaxy. Through a series of daring escapades deep within a dark and dangerous criminal underworld, Han Solo meets his mighty future copilot Chewbacca and encounters the notorious gambler Lando Calrissian, in a journey that will set the course of one of the Star Wars saga’s most unlikely heroes.

Yep, that’s basically what we knew. Beloved scoundrel, daring escapades, dark and dangerous criminal underworld, notorious gambler, unlikely heroes.

The official plot synopsis for Solo is out, and says: not much 2

But!

There are still loooooooads of questions we have no idea of the answers to, like…

  • Who Emilia Clarke is playing, other than her character’s name, Kira
  • Who Thandie Newton is playing
  • Who Phoebe Waller-Bridge is playing, and whether the rumours of her playing Star Wars’ first ever female droid are correct
  • What happened, and how much changed, when original directors Christopher Miller and Phil Lord were sacked and Ron Howard replaced them
  • Whether any of their footage will make it into the film
  • Who’ll be credited as director seeing as they were shooting for four and a half months and Howard for two
  • How the thing where Michael K Williams shot a role and was then replaced by Paul Bettany is going to work out
  • Why we haven’t seen any trailers or stills from it, even though it’s out in four months
  • Like, it’s quite nice in a way, as it means it’s still mysterious and stuff
  • But Rogue One had trailers out eight months before it was released
  • It makes you wonder what’s going on
  • Weird
The official plot synopsis for Solo is out, and says: not much

Solo: A Star Wars Story is out on 25 May 25 unless they suddenly put it back to Christmas, which they might.

The official plot synopsis for Solo is out, and says: not much 1

*

But, er, the thing with a parsec is, you see, er, [pushes glasses up nose] that it’s a unit of distance, equivalent to about 19 million miles, not of time, you see, so yeah?**

**

So, like, when he says the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run in, er, [takes puff from inhaler] 12 parsecs it, like, doesn’t make sense in terms of the phsyics involved, yeah?***

***

Although thinking about it, the character is a kind of swaggering braggart, isn’t he, [has nosebleed] so maybe it does make sense not as a true statement but as the sort of false statement that character would deliver.****

****

It’s a bit like the joke where [drops Thermos flask on floor and bends down to pick it up, splitting trousers across the backside] a fella asks an old man for directions to town, and he says “It’s four miles that way, but for a young fella like yourself, it’d only be two”.*****

*****

Is it? [goes home]

(Images: Disney)

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Mike Rampton

Mike Rampton is extraordinarily old, like some sort of giant mountain.

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