A widely acknowledged statement: David Beckham is a pretty good-looking chap.
Even when you catch a glimpse of yourself on a good day – nice new jumper, post-shave, selfie-honed grin – the cold, hard truth is that you’re never getting close to the impeccable human specimen that is ol’ Golden Balls. Sorry.
Here is Becks looking almost insultingly pristine. Is he sticking his arm down a well? Looks like it. Doesn’t matter though.
Here is David Beckham wearing a beanie and looking exceptionally great while he cooks a pie.
This is David Beckham’s gorgeous face disapproving of Kevin Hart.
And finally, here is David Robert Joseph Beckham holding a caterpillar cake, and looking fucking tremendous in the process.
Is David Beckham ever unsightly? Well, it turns out that he occasionally is. The great leveller, would you believe, is Guy Ritchie’s upcoming King Arthur film, in which the ex-Manchester United legend plays a cameo role.
Beckham stunned his 34 million Instagram followers by posting a picture of himself in full makeup (he plays a disgruntled knight) and looking, well…
The photo, which was captioned “Rough day at the office” has been liked over 585,000 times, but some fans seemed genuinely troubled by it. One simply wrote “hell no”, while a particularly traumatised commenter cried, “Eeeeeewwwwww (no offense) it's very disgusting. What happened?”
Hollywood happened, that’s what.