Films

Christian Bale looks totally unrecognisable and the photos have made my day

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Gary Ogden
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These almost unrecognisable photos of Christian Bale have made my day, I am obsessed 2

I have been looking at these photos of Christian Bale all morning and laughing. They are my favourite photos of Christian Bale, and also perhaps even just simply my favourite photos, period. I am sure the novelty will eventually wear out, but until then, I shall continue to revisit these amazing photos of Christian Bale.

Look at him - he’s doing one of those smiles that you do to co-workers from a different floor, an I-know-who-you-are-but-not-well-enough-to-actually-say-anything smile. Where you press your lips inward and make a straight line across the bottom of your face, while your cheeks pop out a bit. It’s one of my favourite types of smile, and Christian Bale is doing while thinking yeah, I put on some holiday weight.

Look:

Christian Bale is almost unrecognisable in these photos showing off his new physique 1

Hi I have put some weight on over the break

God I love it - cant stop looking at it, it may be an example of a perfect photo. In fact:

Christian Bale is almost unrecognisable in these photos showing off his new physique 7

Visual perfection, I am in awe

Yes it is. There are some other ones too, if you fancy having a look at them? Here is Christian Bale looking like he’s just bumped into you outside the toilets:

Christian Bale is almost unrecognisable in these photos showing off his new physique 5

Do NAT go in there

Here he is again look, talking about how he’s never even used an iron and he doesn’t know what all the fuss is about them:

Christian Bale is almost unrecognisable in these photos showing off his new physique 3

Nope, not for me, a load of old baloney they are

And is that your uncle? Nope! Wrong again! It’s Christian Bale!

Christian Bale is almost unrecognisable in these photos showing off his new physique 4

Eyebrows? Wouldnt have thought so, mister

But why has he done this? Well, because he’s starring in a new film called Backseat, and he’s playing Dick Cheney, a man who you’ll recognise as someone who looks like they has been to a BBQ before. To get into this shape, Christian’s lifestyle change was as simple as greatly increasing his pie-quota - a technique that has, as we can see above, worked very well. Christian Bale now does not look like Batman, but instead, something else that rhymes with it.

I think it’s great - look how much fun he’s clearly having. That is the smug face of a man who is getting untold amounts of money to wolf down a ham and leek three times a day.

Movie executive: “Excuse me Mr Bale, would like a lot of millions of dollars to eat loads of pies?”

Christian Bale: “On three conditions - 1) I get to dye my eyebrows 2) They are Fray Bentos and Fray Bentos only, and 3) Get this iron out of my sight immediately, I have no use for it. Do you want me to fucking go trash your lights?”

Movie executive: “Sorry Mr Bale, right away.”

Christian Bale: “Thank you. Now look at this picture of me having a laugh about how many pies I can eat:”

These almost unrecognisable photos of Christian Bale have made my day, I am obsessed 1

Steak and ale, I’m Christian Bale

Great stuff Chris, keep it up - you’ve made my day, week, potentially month and at a push, year. Get bigger. See how big you can get, Bale, I’m with you every step of the way, you pie-loving beauty. So large you eclipse the sun, Christian, get so large that you knock the Earth out of orbit, I want you to get so unbelievably huge, CHRISTIAN BALE.

(Images: Rex)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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