This week it’s time to take a look at my favourite comments from people on The Rock’s Instagram posts. Because, frankly, writing about The Rock every damn week is hard and sometimes, we have to shift our focus. We always said this would be 52 Weeks of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, not 52 Weeks utterly wrapped around Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Sometimes, there will be bit-part players involved too. But I digress.. let’s get to work.
Here’s a good one. Under this Instagram photo of The Rock sitting next to a screenwriter with the most American name in history – get ready for it, it’s RAWSON THURBER – a user called hedi.k.rashed wrote, “hey big man can you find agirl freind to me in your city the people say big man have big heart pleas do it”.
There’s a lot going on there. Let’s dive in.
The intro’s strong. “hey big man”. Nice. hedi.k.rashed knows he can’t just bowl in and ask The Rock to find him a girlfriend – because that’s what he’s doing, readers – without first greeting him.
“hey big man,” he says. It’s nice. It’s casual but it’s respectful. Then comes the misspelled “can you find agirl freind to me in your city” – mangled so badly we can only assume the man was typing this sentence with shaking hands. So we learn that hedi.k.rashed thinks that The Rock is capable of plucking out a girlfriend for him.
Then there’s “in your city”. That’s an interesting touch. Is hedi.k.rashed saying that his main criterion for a girlfriend is that she lives in the city The Rock lives in? Is this proposed arrangement simply a method of getting closer to The Rock, rather than a sincere search for romantic companionship? We will never know, for hedi.k.rashed has a private Instagram profile.
And then there’s something beautifully touching about the sign-off: “the people say big man have big heart pleas do it”. Yeah, The Rock – people say big men have big hearts, so please just walk around your city looking for women until you find a girlfriend hand-picked for me, a man you have never met but who follows you on Instagram. Pleas do it. Pleas. Just…just pleas do it.
When i_love_fitness_1234 comments on your Instagram video, you know it’s going to be good. With 26 followers and a profile photo of a woman’s butt in a bikini, i_love_fitness_1234 is an account with Important Things To Say.
On March 12, under a nice video of The Rock talking about a screening of Rampage he was about to enjoy with colleagues and his pregnant wife, i_love_fitness_1234 stepped up to the plate: “Movie will likely be horrible like most of your movies,” they said.
It’s good, this. It’s good. No point wasting time with “The” at the beginning of the sentence. This comment just crashes straight in there: “Movie will likely be horrible.” Bam. Take that.
i_love_fitness_1234 then implies that The Rock has made some movies that are not horrible. We aren’t ever told which these movies might be, but – needless to say – Rampage, a film i_love_fitness_1234 has not even seen (the caveat “likely” makes that sufficiently clear), is certainly not going to be one of them. Movie will likely be horrible!
Another interesting comment here, under a poster of The Rock and a gorilla called George, with whom he shares the screen in Rampage.
fasilcskiofficial, an adorable-looking Indian gentleman who posts selfies of himself at the beach, chooses to keep it short and sweet with “I’m good fan of rock”. Nice.
fasilcskiofficial seems like an intelligent guy, so what he was trying to achieve with this statement is something of a mystery. What is “I’m good fan of rock” intended to achieve in this context? The fact that he doesn’t refer to The Rock directly – he isn’t saying “I’m good fan of you”, for example – implies that this comment is aimed at all of the thousands of other lost souls swimming around in the comments section.
‘I like The Rock, everyone,’ the comment seems to be saying. ‘I like The Rock!’ But why, fasilcskiofficial? Why are you saying this? Why?
Finally, under the same photo, worlds.best.vapes simply says, “head over to worlds.best.vape”. Brilliant.
Stay hungry, stay humble. And head over to worlds.best.vape.
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(Image: Dan Evans)