Don’t know if you saw it, but Lord Bates (the one from that joke) spectacularly quit his post in the middle of a debate this week, because he was, umm, late. Here’s the bizarre resignation in full:
I mean, go out with a bang, why don’t you? Really let everyone know that you’re quitting, I love it. But old Lord Bates wasn’t the first, nor will he be the last, to ditch a post, all guns blazing. So to celebrate his triumphant exit, I thought I’d swiftly chuck another 14 cases of over-zealous ‘handing the notice in’ your way. Enjoy them, and then quit, why don’t you?
1. Resignation by marching band
Red-shirted curl-head Joey La Neve DeFrancesco decided to quit his job at a hotel in a way that would get him noticed, both by his boss and the internet at-large. He did this by dragging a marching band into the office and doing this:
(Warning: the smugness is off the charts with this one)
2. Resignation by emergency slide
Steven Slater, aka The World’s Greatest Legend - had himself a comfortable job as a flight attendant, but a passenger stood up too early to get his luggage after landing, so he rightly threw an absolute fit in front of all the passengers. First he grabbed the intercom and did a big fat swear to all the passengers on the plane, then he swiped a bloody beer from the fridge, pulled the emergency evacuation chute and slid his quitting arse right down the inflatable slide, presumably flipping the bird on the way down. I like this man, potentially love him.
3. Resignation by early-morning interpretive dance
Marina Shifrin was an employee of Next Media Animation, working late (or early) in the office at a frankly ludicrous 4.30am, when instead of finishing her work, she decided to make her own video, a quitting video. Here, for you and anyone you’re with, it is:
4. Resignation by hidden post-quit stickers
Pro tip: Hand in your notice, then, when everybody is out of the office, slink around hiding dumb pictures of yourself all over the building. If you’re lucky, you’ll have been long gone and they’ll still keep popping up. Annoy people after you’re dead, basically - like this:
5. Resignation by original computer game
If you’re a computer game designer, then don’t hand in a paper resignation letter like an analogue loser, make a whole actual computer game to announce your departure, instead. Like Jarrad Woods, who decided he’d sack his job off to go the indie route, so he made a Super Mario clone to signal the end - and you can play it here, if you like. Which you do. You like a lot.
6. Resignation by deleting Trump’s Twitter account
In perhaps one of the greatest mic drops of current times, one plucky employee over at Twitter decided to delete the worst account on the internet - Trump’s Twitter - on their last day. I’m not entirely sure what medal they got for this, but they deserved it. In fact, they deserve one of each medal on offer, anywhere, ever.
7. Resignation by toilet paper
Not much to say about this other than LOOK AT THIS HUR HUR HUR:
8. Resignation by barbershop quintet
Much like hiring a marching band to help you quit in a noticeable way, you may achieve a similar effect by hiring a barbershop quintet to do the exact same thing. Lovely and loud, very disruptive and incredibly smug! Gets you a bit famous on the internet for a bit too - enjoy it while it lasts though, because if you’ll recall: you are now unemployed.
9. Resignation by mass bus throw-under
Remember HMV? I do, I loved it when I was 15, but now, it is regrettably a shadow of its former self, which is something which became very apparent when a number of disgruntled employees decided to hijack the official Twitter account mid-sacking. It looked a little something (exactly, it looked exactly) like this, and was glorious:
10. Resignation by big old cake
If you’re in a job not making cakes, but you want to be in a job making cakes, then how should you quit your job not making cakes? By making a cake, obviously. Like this one:
11. Resignation by on-air bye-bye
There’s this thing, right, and it’s basically this: don’t mistreat your employees. It’s a rule, and it becomes even more important that you adhere to it if said employee (who you are mistreating) has access to a platform in which, should they be pushed, they could say anything on, and lots of people would hear. Like radio DJ Inetta The Moodsetta, who exploded live on air and kicked her poxy job right up the arse of the powers that be. It’s wonderful, two-fingers-fully-up, stuff:
12. Resignation by secret message
Perhaps the best kind of rage quit is the one where nobody finds out you’ve done it until you’re halfway across the world, sunning your belly on a beach in Thailand, pina colada in-hand, making a makeshift paddling pool for ants in your belly button. Getting away with pulling a prank, scott-free, that’s the way to do it. See ya later, suckers! *walks into glass door*
13. Resignation by FUCK IT, I QUIT
I think it should be the law that, if you are on television for any part of your job, then you should hand in your notice live on air - it should be the only way to do it. Reason I think this, is because when that exact thing does happen, it leads to pure, untainted gold:
14. Resignation by whatever the hell this nonsense is
Happy quitting, quitters!