What do Hannibal Lecter, Bane, a rabid dog, Scorpion from Mortal Kombat and Frank from Blue Velvet all have in common? One, they’ve all gone out with your mum, and two, they all like to wear weird-looking contraptions over their mouth.
If you’re keen on this look, and also find it embarrassing to talk on the phone in public, then this new gadget might be for you. Some bright spark somewhere has invented a hands-free mask that clips around your mouth, enabling you to make calls wherever you are, but without anybody actually hearing what you’re saying. So it really helps when you want to phone your mate specifically to tell him that the bloke sitting next to you on the bus stinks like turd, but you don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Really though, just look at this nonsense:
The Hushme, as it’s called, snaps around the front of your mouth and insulates your gob, stopping whatever tosh you’re spouting from hitting the ears of those around you. It also makes you look like a powerful intergalactic idiot.
“I’ve got a really loud voice though,” you scream (correct, you have). Don’t worry, it has an extra sound-masking capability: it has a number of built-in sound effects that will drown out those gossip-hounds with particularly booming vocal chords. You can choose from sounds including the wind, the ocean, a monkey, A SQUIRREL and even a goddamn Minion. If you were worried about distracting other people with your conversations, choosing a fucking Minion to squeal over the top of them isn’t going to save you.
Also, just look how long it takes for the man in the video to actually answer the call – not only are you pissing off everyone around you with the shrill screech of a giant squirrel, you’re also winding up the person on the other end of the line.
Here’s an invention for you: LEGS. Use them to leave your desk next time you get a private call.
Still, if you do get a Hushme, it’ll make a sick Halloween costume next year: