Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Bartesian is the Nespresso maker for cocktails

mixer1.jpg
mixer2.jpg

To borrow the phrase of Brian Flanagan: "I make things with juice and froth; the pink squirrel, the three-toed sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy; the iced tea, the kamakazi, the orgasm, the death spasm, the Singapore sling, the dingaling."

Or if you can't be bothered, you can get one of these.

Bartesian

The Bartesian is the ultimate solution for the cocktail for the lazy age of the Nespresso cheat. Four reservoirs, filled with your preference of vodka, gin, rum and tequila, surround a Nespresso-like capsule unit.

To create a cocktail, pop in a ready-made capsule of mixer ingredients, adjust the strength of your poison (alcohol content, not actual poison) and hit "Make". Seconds later, you'll have a drink that might taste a bit like the thing you ordered.

Bartesian

Created with the idea of "liberating" cocktails for those uninitiated in the art of mixology, the Bartesian isn't an attack on traditional cocktail mixing, but a shortcut to educating people in how cocktails are thrown together. Currently seeking funding on Kickstarter, its creators have come up with six cocktail pods for launch - Margarita, Sex on the Beach, Cosmopolitan, Bartesian Breeze, Uptown Rocks and Zest Martini - with plans for more mixes in the works.

The gadget also features a traditional shaker, for those cocktails that might require some manual labour, god forbid.

Set for launch in April 2016, you can put in an order for a Bartesian for around £160. 

Or you could just learn how to mix a cocktail, you lazy bum.

Related

whisky6.jpg

A beginner's guide to whisky tasting

keys3.jpg

Will this Kickstarter revolutionise the humble keyboard?

doppel1.jpg

This wrist band promises to change your mood

twitterplay.jpg

Twitter Set To Be A Lot More Like Facebook

juggle1.jpg

The Most Hypnotic Video Of A Robot Juggling That You’ll See All Day’

cam2.jpg

EE's action camera can stream straight to the web

Comments

More

Fidget spinners might contain deadly levels of lead

Is your toy slowly poisoning you to death?

by Gary Ogden
02 Jun 2017

We might be about to get smartphones that charge fully in five minutes

An Israeli start-up claims it's going to go into production next year

by Tom Mendelsohn
15 May 2017

5 of the best fidget toys on the market right now

Tackle your knuckle cracking head on

by Matt Tate
10 May 2017

Some Italians have created a phone cover that also makes espresso

No, we don't know why either

by Tom Mendelsohn
08 May 2017

New app will rebalance the London rental market in favour of landlords

Finally, the capital's hard-up property owners will get their due with Rentberry

by Tom Mendelsohn
26 Apr 2017

This knife-toting robot playing stabby hand will make you nervous

I for one welcome our new robot overlords

by Tom Mendelsohn
25 Apr 2017

Now you can turn your iPhone into a retro mac

For the man who has everything

by Tom Mendelsohn
21 Apr 2017

The best turntables of 2017

How the tables have turned

by David Cornish
20 Apr 2017

The Tamagotchi is back

Great news for fans of neglecting responsibilities and watching tiny creatures literally shit themselves to death!

by Emily Reynolds
11 Apr 2017

Self-healing smartphone screens could exist by 2020

Could it be curtains for shady smartphone repair stalls across Britain?

by Tom Mendelsohn
05 Apr 2017