Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Here's what your barber secretly thinks about you

rexfeatures_5660048b.jpg

Ever been sat in the barber chair, looked up at the person cutting your hair, and wondered what they're thinking of? They're inside your personal space, so they must be thinking something about you.

If this has never crossed your mind, we apologise for injecting a fresh dose of paranoia into your brain and causing the ruination of you and your barber's relationship.

As we've crossed that line, you'll probably be keen to know what's on their mind, right? Well we asked a few top barbers to anonymously tell us exactly what they're contemplating when you're in for a trim.

You might want to brace yourselves. The truth cuts deep.

"You swear way too much. I'm not a taxi driver, don't assume I'm going to enjoy having you dropping the f-bomb like you're down the pub with your mates. This is a workplace like any other."


"No, don't worry about being late, that's fine. Yes, please go to the toilet for a further 5 minutes, you’re the only person we have in today..."

Late

"Deodorant isn't that expensive. I’m getting so close to you, so please know that any unwanted body odour just makes my job that bit harder."


"Partners should not come to a barbershop. It's a man’s ‘me time’. They’re only just going to tell us it's too short and not let him have what he wants."
 

Partner

"Phone away, please. I'm well aware Gavin needs to Whatsapp you his whereabouts for the meet up, but I need to access your entire head, not just the back of it. If you really need to text someone, it's fine - just ask."


"Sort out your crusty scalp, we’d like to deal with clean hair if it’s not too much trouble." 

Flaky

"So, you want your hair long but short do you? Please get out of the chair and come back when you know what you want. Do you go into a bank, get to the counter and then ruminate over your transaction? No."


"You seem to think we're magicians and ask for a hairstyle that’s impossible, like a big quiff when you have a three strand comb over. You need to be realistic."

Jude

"Wondering how we never cut ourselves when cutting really fast? We accidentally cut ourselves all the time without you realising. We don't even realise ourselves sometimes."


"Barbers get a lot of hair splinters! It's like tiny little knives in our fingers. So if we wince, that's why."

Cut

Related

473677bd4952897ef4c9d4d592bb2d73.jpg

Meet the celebrity tattooist who sets his work on fire

3837051-4271267664-khal%.jpg

Beards officially make you sexier, says science

iStock_99820015_MEDIUM.jpg

Are you making any of these common grooming mistakes?

Comments

More

A guy’s guide to skincare - by a girl who just really wants to help

Just a girl, standing in front of a bunch of guys, trying to make them moisturise twice a day

by Lauren O'Neill
15 May 2017

Supermodel Paul Sculfor tells us how to be the perfect catch

Tips from a man who knows better than anyone

20 Mar 2017

Meet the judges for the 2017 ShortList Grooming Awards

We're back with the best new products for 2017

17 Mar 2017

5 of the biggest men's hair trends for 2017

You're not actually going to get a six-pack, so settle for a slick new haircut instead

by Jamie Carson
03 Jan 2017

8 express grooming treatments for the discerning yet curious man

When you want to look good but just don't have the time

by Jamie Carson
13 Dec 2016

Manscaping; what is it, how to do it and how short is TOO short

After a lifetime of assuming that all guys went au naturale, Josh Burt realised that everything he knew was wrong

by Josh Burt
13 Dec 2016

Trim your pubic hair? Science claims you’ve probably got an STD

You're 80% more likely to have a sexually transmitted disease, new research suggests

by Jamie Carson
06 Dec 2016

What to do when you’re going bald

We round up the best ways to deal with hair loss

by Jamie Carson
17 Oct 2016

New 3D printing technology could cure baldness

What a time to be alive...and bald

by Jamie Carson
10 Oct 2016

Winter's about to destroy your skin, here's how you can stop it

A guide to essential men's grooming that'll fight the cold

by Jamie Carson
04 Oct 2016