Some people are merely happy for their wristwatch to tell the time. These people are imbeciles. We are joking of course – we added that for dramatic effect.
However, we have to say we prefer those timepieces that push the envelope, the jiffy bag and all of Royal Mail’s fleet of vans, when it comes to design.
Here, for your ever-dropping jaw, are the world's nine coolest watches.
Hermes Cape Cod Grandes Heures
Ever find yourself wishing for more time? Of course you do. Ever find yourself wishing time would bloody well hurry up? Of course you do. In that case this watch is for you. By dint of its ability to slow and accelerate time – you can literally bend time! – you can luxuriate in warped time. Positively Dali-esque.
Price: Approx $7,000-$14,000 (£4,400-£8,600)
Jaeger-LeCoultre – Reverso Gyrotourbillon 2
This watch has turned the rule book on its head – clever watch. By utilising a cylinder-shaped balance spring for the first time, cherished horological principles have been challenged. The tourbillon, which compensates for the effects of gravity on the watch, rotates on two axes, rather than one. Which, in the watch world, is apparently something of a very big deal indeed.
Price: $350,000 (£215,000)
Bell & Ross - Red Radar
We like to think this innovative and playful watch should be worn on the wrist of James Bond. Of course he is contracted to some other watch brand – such is the way of the modern world. Let Bond think for himself we say. The moody timepiece gives you all the excitement of a submarine without any of the cabin fever. All winners.
Price: $5,500 (£3,370)
Urwerk - UR202s
Time on the UR-202s is displayed using telescopic minute hands operating through the middle of three orbiting and revolving hour satellites. The UR-202s is also the world's first wristwatch featuring an innovative new winding system regulated by compressing air utilizing minature turbines.
Price: $200,000 (£120,000)
Cabestan Sol Invictus
If truth be told, we’re not really sure how this one works – something to do with micromotors, solar cells and a chain system – but boy does it look great. Purists might get their boxers in a twist about the use of electric motors but we're perfectly happy to try something a bit different. If someone else is paying.
Price: $735,000 (£450,000)
The Kudoke KudOktopus
If, like us, you dream of a life at sea, weathering storms and battling sea monsters, then this just might be the one for you. German watch maker Kudoke managed to integrate a gold octopus into this nautical timepiece, adding a constant threat to the already rather harangued hands. A must for all wannabe captains.
Price: £6,750 ($10,581)
Harry Winston – Opus 11
Deconstructing time – sounds like some wonderfully florid post-modern thing doesn’t it? Well, this watch does just that. Over the space of an hour the three overlapping cylinders configure to cause time-keeping anarchy, before all is resolved on the hour. Instead of a hand, 24 placards revolve and rotate on a complicated system of gears mounted on an epicycloidal gear-train.
Price: Approx: $250,000 (£150,000)
The TAG Heuer Mikrotimer
If you've got a habit of clock-watching then this one could be a dangerous purchase. The astoundingly precise watch runs at 500Hz, compared to the standard 5Hz of its peers. Breaking down every minute into the most precise measurement, it provides 3.6 million beats an hour, meaning you may never get any work done ever again.
Price: $89,000 (£56,156)
The Son of a Gun
Yes, we know guns are dangerous and no, this knowledge doesn't affect our rabid interest in them. What's especially appealing is when they're stripped of their ability to kill anyone, including us. Take this painfully cool watch, which uses real bullets to make the dial seem like the barrel of a revolver. It suspends six 6mm Flobert bullets and uses dynamite wire.
Price: £9,380 ($14,806)