The Worst Inventions Ever

Somebody actually made these

Despite all being multi-millionaires, those Dragon's Den guys do deserve a small bit of sympathy. Every genius idea that's brought their way is followed by around 1,000 unfathomably awful ones.

Throughout history, silly people with money (aka rich folk) have plundered their funds into inventions that should never have seen the light of day. Here's a worrying look at the absolute worst.

(Images: Getty, Rex Features)

1. Baby Cage

We've all tried to maximise space in our increasingly small flats. Whether it's vacuum packing or simply stuffing everything inside a closet that's already housing the boiler, we're always on the look-out for a new form of storage. Back in the 30s, city-dwellers were offered the Baby Cage, a totally safe and responsible contraption which dangled your child storeys above a busy street. Unsurprisingly it was soon replaced by the window garden.

2. High Five Simulator

Probably the most soul-crushing of all, this invention allows you to celebrate a landmark moment even when you're by your lonely self. Created back in the 90s, this must-have for all desperately lonely souls helped to simulate the effect of a high five with a fake hand on-call for any occasion. Depressingly, an iPad version was recently released...

3. Cigarette Pack Holder

Sometimes smoking one cigarette at a time just isn't enough. When you need more and have no concerns over how stupid you might look, the cigarette pack holder is exactly what you need. The ideal way to restrict your breathing and get rid of those annoying cigarette packets, the mid-50s invention was a perfect example of a time before smoking-related health concerns.

4. Anti-Bandit Bag

Thieves are utter scum. Even that Artful Dodger tyke. Stopping their endless spree of crime is high up on the list of most superheroes but inventors have also tried to do their bit. In the 60s, one particularly enthusiastic chap came up with this worryingly inept idea. It looks like a regular bag. But as soon as the thief makes a move for it, a chain is pulled and the contents are released onto the floor. Because thieves can't pick things up, right? Right?

5. TV Hat

Ever feel the need to alienate those around you even more than you already do? Luckily the disturbingly recent TV Hat allows you to block everyone out by combining the joy of watching films with the fun of wearing a face-hiding hat. Depressingly billed as "the next revolution in video viewing", you can check out some of the enthused responses here. Footage of a TV Hat user falling over/getting mugged not included.

6. Anti-Eating Mask

Diets can be tough. Staying away from unhealthy foods requires a massive amount of willpower. Or, according to this bizarre invention, a padlocked grille in front of your mouth. By the looks of it, it still allows for liquids to pass and if you're very sneaky, maybe even the odd strawberry lace.

7. Phone Fingers

Ever spend hours worrying about the greasy trails your fingers are leaving on your iPhone? Ever feel that spending money on an awkward solution would be the way to go? Well it's your lucky day. The Phone Fingers turn an easy-to-use piece of technology into one stage in an annoying routine that might/will result in life-ruining remarks from others.

Tags: lists, funny