As any self-respecting kid knows, rules are a right pain in the posterior. Generally implemented by petty bureacrats, little Hitlers and killjoy parents, it would appear that they’re only designed to extract fun from whatever activity they’re meant to be governing.
In the realm of sport, this seems to be magnified to the point of absurdity. Who on earth legislates such nonsense as injured players having to leave the field of play while their assailants are allowed to stay on?
Of course, one look at the folk who run sport - yes, Sepp Blatter we’re talking about you – and suddenly these inexplicable rules suddenly begin to make some sort of random sense.
Have a look at the following classic head scratchers: every single last one of them resembles a broken pencil. Pointless.
Pictures: Getty Images, Rex Features
Fifa rules state that a player must leave the pitch if in need of treatment for an injury – which can easily tempt a nervous team into ankle-stamping the opposition’s best player minutes before the whistle. Those precious seconds waiting for the ref to bring him back on could prove vital.
American Casey Martin was no world-class golfer, but in the late 90s he was doing reasonably well on the PGA’s minor league Nike Tour. Martin had a birth defect in his leg attributed to Klippel Trenaunay Weber syndrome, which made walking painful. But the PGA wouldn’t let him use a golf cart to get round. So he sued them.
Think of every sport and you’ll see a ranting manager or trainer somewhere on the sidelines. Except tennis, where players are banned from conversing with the man who takes 15 per cent. Even toilet breaks are escorted, to ensure the rule isn’t broken.
In a career that spanned over 500 matches, Alan Hansen scored just 14 goals. True, he was a defender, but had the day ever come that the dour Scot popped one in for his national team (0 goals from 26 games), he’d have gone absolutely bananas. And if playing today, probably booked.
In one day international cricket, a no-result – technically the same as a draw – is called if rain stops play and the second team to bat have faced less than 20 overs of the allotted 50. Even if they’ve failed to score a single run.
You can move a stone, you can move a blade of straw, but if there’s a gaping hole from another man’s spikes between your ball and the hole on the green, rule 16-1c says leave it – which is often bad news for leaderboarders going out last.
Frankie Dettori has publicly lambasted the Jockey Association for not raising the minimum weight limit for jockeys: he claims it makes being a pro almost impossible for all but the handful of men who are naturally around 8 stone. "I took Lasix, pee pills, diuretics, laxatives; all sorts," he once said of his efforts to stay tiny. Bulimia amongst jockeys is said to be rife.
The pitcher in baseball is like the teacher’s pet, and since 1974, he doesn’t have to bat thanks to an absurd ruling that allows him to name someone else to take his turn.
The NBA stipulates that all players must wear what it describes as ‘Business casual’ for all team or league events. Which means – and this is all down in writing – no sunglasses indoors, no headphones, no T-shirts, and no jewellery worn over the clothing.
Positively littered with archaic rules, golf manages to outdo itself with the one about having to mark and sign your own scorecard. Even if you’re Tiger Woods and 100 million people around the world have just seen you shoot a 68 on the final round of the US Masters, it doesn’t count if you don’t submit a correct and signed scorecard to officials. You're disqualified.
Animals are lovely. They really are. A man’s best friend and all that. Or is that just dogs? Unfortunately,…
More
Being British comes with certain responsibilities. The ability to treat beef with the care it deserves, being one…
More
Bam. The noble art of pugilism is a cinema staple. Kapow. Raging Bull, Rocky, Million Dollar Baby, The Champ,…
More
