Sequel Warning Signs

How to spot a cinematic stinker

Like an asteroid hurtling Earth-wards to the strains of a soft rock soundtrack, summer blockbuster season is fast approaching. And this year there are more exciting sequels, prequels, reboots and reimaginings than ever before.

But for every Batman Begins there'll doubtless be a Speed 2: Cruise Control. Before you head off to the multiplex with designs on an extortionate tub of popcorn, check out our highly scientific look at the telltale symptoms known to characterise your average duff cinematic sequel. If you spot any of these in an otherwise enticing trailer, run for your life.

All pictures: Allstar

1. Wacky sidekicks

Beware Jar Jar's law. George Lucas wasn't the first director to mistakenly think an irritating CGI goofball would help along an examination of the Dark Side and he certainly won't be the last. Dobby from Harry Potter anyone?

2. Uprooting the action

Bad sequels have been throwing executive air miles at their problems for years. What better way to disguise an identical plot than by hurling the action to the other side of the globe Rush Hour 2-style to make a series of crass cultural observations?

3. Shoehorning in children

Plot-saving cuteness? Cynically appealing to the family market? Cheaper child labour? Whatever the reason, the sudden appearance of a wisecracking kid to proceedings (exhibit A: Blues Brothers 2000) has long been the calling card of many a shonky sequel.

4. Multiple bad guys

Defied somewhat by Christopher Nolan's rebooted Batman franchise, bloated supervillain syndrome still poses a problem for comic book sequels. You only need to look at campy clunker Spider-Man 3 and shudder-inducing rubberfest Batman & Robin ("Ice to see you!") to get twitchy when more than one disfigured antagonist pops up.

5. AWOL original actors

Is there a clearer vote of no confidence than a virtually unrecognisable principal cast in a sequel? You can repackage them as prequels (Dumb and Dumberer) and straight-to-DVD spin offs (American Pie) all you like, Hollywood studios. We probably won't be back either.

6. Bloated all-star casts

The opposite of A-Listers fleeing a franchise isn't a guarantee of quality. Ocean's Eleven was a stylish, all-star caper carried off with real panache. Ocean's Twelve was an impossibly smug celebrity holiday video. Proof that upping the star-wattage isn't always good news.

7. Fatsuits

Expertly lampooned in Tropic Thunder spoof The Fatties: Fart 2, prosthetic-heavy follow-ups are best avoided. From Eddie Murphy's latex misadventures to Mike Myers playing multiple characters in the Austin Powers films, you'll normally find a comedy sequel's fatsuit content is worth its weight in Razzie nominations.

8. Liberal introduction of animals

Very much the same logic that sees kids drafted into film franchises also prompts desperate directors to airlift animals in. It can't be long before a film simply substitutes all plot for a 90-minute compilation of cute kitten clips. Hey, it worked for the Internet.

Tags: Lists, film, movies

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