Animals you could live in

Dez rez - nature style

Forget your Norman Fosters and Daniel Libeskinds, the greatest designs of all time were by an architect you might just have heard of: Mother Nature. Not only did she design trees from which we could take sap and seas in which we could boogieboard, she also created creatures big enough to keep us sheltered from the elements. Here are just some of those comfortable creatures.

(Images: Allstar, Rex, YouTube.com)

1. Blue whale

The biggest creature that ever lived, the Blue Whale is the stately home of animals you could live in. At 33.5m long you’d have the luxury of choosing a traditional room layout or a modern open-plan living environment. It even comes fully furnished. Its 600kg heart features an aorta with a 23cm diameter in which you could store CDs, DVDs, spices, smaller items of crockery and shoes, while you could sleep comfortably on its three-ton tongue.

An estate agent would say: Spacious out-of-town development in conservation area.

2. Megalodon

‘Megalo’ means ‘big’ in Ancient Greek and those Greeks weren't lying when they invented a word they clearly knew would be attributed to a massive fish thousands of years later. Another ‘houseboat’, if you will, this prehistoric shark was a mammoth… no, not actually a mammoth, it was a mammoth 16 metres long and weighed 30 times more than the largest Great White (which is only suitable housing for people who have been chewed).

An estate agent would say: A megalo property with stunning sea views.

3. Hippopotamus

The ultimate mobile home, if you like living in animals. As with any mobile home, you do have to sacrifice space, with the hippo measuring up to five metres long, but only 1.5m to the shoulder. However, if you’re happy to recline or are a dwarf, then you get a pad that is not only graceful and comfortable in the water, but also capable of travelling at 30mph on land. With a life expectancy of 40 to 50 years, long-term mortgages are not a problem. Will eat your marbles.

An estate agent would say: Ideal bijou residence for flexible living in the wildlife corridor.

4. African elephant

If the hippo is the amphibious caravan of animals you can live in, then the elephant is the loft-style apartment with built-in garden hose and air-conditioning (you use the ears as fans, see?). At four metres in height and seven metres in length, there’s plenty of room for entertaining, perhaps a dinner party featuring a traditional central African porridge dish and the music of legendary Nigerian performer and activist Fela Kuti.

An estate agent would say: Unforgettable raised property in sunny location. A true 'ivory tower'.

5. Sauropods

This group of dinosaurs came in a range of liveable sizes, so you could have a housing estate featuring different homes suitable for different domestic situations. The 30-metre-long Argentinosaurus, for example, would be ideal for families, while the smaller Diplodocus (right) would suit a young couple or first-time buyers. A Diplodocus showhome is available in the entrance lobby of the Natural History Museum.

An estate agent would say: Housing development catering for all needs in oil-rich* country.

(*in about 150 million years)

6. Pig

While pig has been inside many of us, few of us will have been inside a pig. But that is not an impossible dream; some pigs are (or have been in the case of the 12-foot-long one pictured, murdered in cold blood by an 11-year-old future militia member from Alabama) large enough to house humans. Imagine it: the meat-lover’s version of the witch’s edible house in Hansel and Gretel. “Bacon sandwich, dear?” “Yes, please.” “I’ll just slice off a bit of the utility room.”

An estate agent would say: This modern conversion doesn’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear, but it does make a nice kitchen blind from one.

Tags: animals

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