Tracking the soaring stocks and junk bonds of social media, helping you to invest carefully and speculate wisely. (By Rhodri Marsden)
Falling: "Annoying Facebook friends"
But there are, of course, people who feel differently:
Let's take a moment to remember all those less fortunate than ourselves who are currently pissing around on Facebook.— Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) December 25, 2010
There's a saying, isn't there, that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your friends' friends. However, when you see the amount of complaining that goes on on Twitter about idiocy amongst people's friends on Facebook, you wonder if said friends have actually been imposed by social media police as some kind of punishment.
News just in: Facebook users dismiss Twitter as "boring" despite filling up their Facebook pages with regular status updates.— Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) February 13, 2010
my friend unfriended me on facebook hahaha but he added me again, idiot.— agnieszka. (@cocoloveone) July 22, 2013
When you realise someone you were very friendly with a few years ago is bit of a smug wanker, do you de-friend on Facebook? Bored of posts!— Madelaine Smith (@chunchilla) December 29, 2012
I just got a Facebook friend request from your baby today. Either your "little gem" is a damn genius or you're an Idiot— Kim Sarita Robertson (@KimmySRobertson) March 6, 2013
"Does alcohol affect pregnancy tests!? Ma piss is basicly just vodka n jagers lol" - Lucy, 26. Kim: "You preggers?" Lucy: "dunno lol"— Facebook Meltdown (@FBmeltdown) June 29, 2013
"Do I have idoit written on my forhead? People treat me like one!" - Gareth, 24. Ben: "*Idiot" Gareth: "WTF you call me that for ben!?"— Facebook Meltdown (@FBmeltdown) June 12, 2013
"Tulisa got court cos she thick as ! peeps talk fam! That why my danny dont have facebook so no one talk about deals!" - Kay, 27. Perfect.— Facebook Meltdown (@FBmeltdown) June 3, 2013
"Turned up half hour late to work n told to go home fuckin Pissed of!" - Tom, 24. Ben: "Didn't know you had a job?" Tom replies: "First day"— Facebook Meltdown (@FBmeltdown) February 8, 2013
"Lol Jane get the rat off me as he going for my armpit coz i smell of chicken lol" - Garry, 27. I have absolutely no idea what to say here.— Facebook Meltdown (@FBmeltdown) October 23, 2012
Merry Christmas!!— Galya Girdwood (@Galina_1996) July 24, 2013
Some people are impatient. These people have a 365-door Advent calendar and spend the majority of their free time shaking festive snowglobes.
Happy December everyone. Less than 24 days to Christmas. Oh the feeling!— Ione Wagner (@IoneWagner) July 24, 2013
5 months untill Christmas Eve #woooooo— NAOMI WOOD (@Naoomiwood) July 24, 2013
Christmas on the way :)— Galen Livingston (@GalenLivingsto2) July 24, 2013
Christmas is less than 4 months away— Matt Csongradi (@MattCsongradi) July 24, 2013
154 sleeps until Christmas 🎄🎅🎄— Hannah ϟ (@_HBPencils) July 24, 2013
Some people are over-organised verging on having OCD – either that or they're deploying sarcasm in a manner guaranteed to elicit replies along the lines of "WTF?"
CHRISTMAS IS COMOING SOON PUTTING UP THE LIGHTS INDOOR STUFF ETC YAYAY— Elvin Dorsey (@ElvinDorsey2) July 24, 2013
Got SO much Christmas shopping done today. Only five months to go people!— Bourbon Biccy (@bourbonbiccy) July 24, 2013
Some people are wistfully nostalgic:
Started your shopping yet? Five months from today is Christmas Eve! #nevertooearly— Hoss Unleashed (@hoss_unleashed) July 24, 2013
And others are just greedy bastards.
i want things back how they were before christmas— monica gems (@comeinwaves) July 24, 2013
How much are poloroid cameras I fucking want one for Christmas— ❀ ❀ ❀ (@ACIDFUCK) July 24, 2013
Rising: People hating their freckles
I hate my freckles.— Azaria (@azariajaeden) July 21, 2013
I hate my freckles 😩— Marlo veronico (@MarloJade) July 21, 2013
I hate my freckles omg.— Layla Tucker (@ilovekonatucker) July 21, 2013
Twitter averages about seven complaints an hour about freckles, moving up to around eight or nine in warm weather. These statistics have, thus far, gone unreported by the mainstream media, and you should be bloody grateful that I'm highlighting them for you right now.
I hate my freckles— kiersten❣ (@HopUpInDis_Pond) July 21, 2013
I hate my freckles— Autumnnnn (@Autumn11Autumn) July 21, 2013
i hate my freckles omg— ☯melissa☯ (@dragojlovich23) July 21, 2013
I hate my freckles 😡— lindsay santoro ♕ (@ellesantorox3) July 21, 2013
Fascinatingly – although, ultimately, you'll be the judge of that – 100% of this frecklehate is down to self-loathing. All of it. I just scoured Twitter for any mention of anyone saying "I hate your freckles", and I only found this tweet, and she's being sarcastic.
I hate my freckles so much— manda (@_aburt) July 21, 2013
The lesson? Freckles are OK. They're fine. No-one else dislikes your freckles. Only you! Reassess your freckles, like these people:
@hannerluvskandi i hate your freckles— Carterrr (@that1ging3r) July 19, 2013
I've grown too love my freckles— wild child ❁ (@oddballariee) July 21, 2013
Ive learnt to love my freckles 🙊— Fiona✞ (@FionaClaudette) July 19, 2013
I'm starting to love my freckles— meg (@meggybillings) July 19, 2013
Rising: People losing things
I can't find my resistance band anywhere. 😭— Christine Marie (@casterline24) July 19, 2013
I can't find my ripped jeans anywhere 😿— Maica (@RayanneCurlz) July 19, 2013
The irony is, of course, that these people have chosen to spend time telling us that they can’t find something rather than spend that time looking for it. It’s vaguely similar to when people scream at other people to stop making such a bloody noise.
I can't find my drivers license anywhere nooooo— HOJO (@caithojo) July 19, 2013
It’s not as if we’re actually able to help via broadband over a distance of several thousand miles, although you could always ask the obvious question:
I can't find my eyebrow pencil anywhere..is this some sort of sick joke— Kerrie Eyles (@kerrieeyles) July 19, 2013
@jetfury Where did you last see it?— Erik Zwennes (@derique) July 15, 2013
@Marcus_1963 Where did you last see it? ;)— kaffruffles (@Kaffff) July 14, 2013
But it’s probably best to just let them get it out of their system.
@gallopen484 Where did you last see it?— Brian's Coffee Spot (@BrianCoffeeSpot) July 16, 2013
I can't find my eyeliner anywhere. Fuck!— Lizzay (@lizzaysouraz) July 19, 2013
I can't find my camera charger anywhere😰— Nighthawk. (@Lucaaay_) July 19, 2013
I can't find my glasses anywhere 👓🙍😩😢— chief sara (@lesleyj17) July 19, 2013
You might be wondering at this point what the final noun of this week’s Twitter Index will be. Well, it’s driving moccasins.
I can't find my book anywhere 😟😧😥— ☯ (@janokie_) July 19, 2013
Dammit I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!— Dan Lewis (@muffindan) July 19, 2013