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Here are the most ridiculous slides from the Fyre Festival pitch deck

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We all know about Fyre Festival now, don’t we? A festival that, in less than a week, has become a synonym for expensive, catastrophic failure: a cultural keyboard shortcut for greed, excess, chaos and bits of that weird plastic cheese on top of some stale, unbuttered bread. 

If not, here’s the precis: a bunch of rich kids who love money and probably hate poor people paid thousands of dollars to attend an exclusive festival headlined by Tyga and blink-182 on a fully-catered island specifically kitted-out to make you look cool on Instagram. Gotta get those 16 likes, guys! 

What they actually got, as you already know, was this:

 

 

Which is really funny, obviously, except maybe for Ja Rule who is now being sued for hundreds of millions of dollars and is presumably not finding it that funny at all, really.

Anyway, there’s now a new twist in this still incredibly hilarious saga: the pitch document has leaked, and it is as ridiculous and hilarious and terrible as you might expect. 

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We have to be fair to them here: they did, in a way, reimagine what it meant to attend a music festival. The tents at music festivals are normally shitty and flimsy and decidedly non-luxurious, yes, but there is at least good food at normal music festivals. Street food and that: burgers and hot dogs and stuff. And the headliners don’t normally cancel, and there aren’t usually feral dogs roaming the place and also you’re generally not completely stranded or shut into an airport with no way of getting out of 1. the country 2. the room. So in this case they actually did sell it quite well, tbf. 

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What they did here was quite clever, actually: what they did here was fill a whole page almost entirely full of pictures of thin, attractive models in bikinis except for that one dude on the bottom left who quite frankly looks like he doesn’t belong there at all. Want people to invest in your poorly planned, badly designed, destined to fail festival? Just put some girls in bikinis in there, mate! They won’t even notice the rest of it! 

NB: this may not be a guaranteed in day to day work scenarios. 

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As far as we can tell, what this actually says beyond the mid-’00s ad speak is “have an idea”, then “think about the idea some more” and then “do… the idea”. I mean… I dunno. This doesn’t seem like that complex a concept. Have an idea: do the idea.  

But: they failed. They failed to have a good idea. They failed to think about that idea much more. They definitely failed to do the idea. There was zero ideation. No conceptualisation. Definitely no execution: not even a little bit of execution. Negative execution, if anything. 

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The whole thing did look a lot like it was about to burst into flames at any point, consuming the rose gold iPhones of all nearby, so they got this one bang on, imo.

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