Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Scientists confirm what we already secretly knew: Octopuses are actually aliens

rexfeatures_3855316a.jpg
rexfeatures_3848438a.jpg

Back in October 2015, we brought you a story that struck at the heart of an eight-legged obsession of ours: In a world full of strange and interesting creatures, octopuses definitely sit at the head of the table when it comes to weird gag-inducing sea creeps. Two more videos have recently come to our attention (scroll down) to confirm this.

All ‘arms and legs’, starey eyes and suction, they look like the love child of a spider and a slug that’s been dropped into a vat of radiactive waste. One that’s then been partially digested in the six stomachs of a cow and spat back out into the ocean. Scientists have been fascinated with these water beasts for a while, carefully mapping out their full DNA sequence to learn more about why they’re so different from everything else.

The discovery? Octopuses are like no other creature on the planet. Researcher Dr Clifton Ragsdale from the University of Chicago said: “The octopus appears to be utterly different from all other animals, even other molluscs, with it’s eight prehensile arms, its large brain and its clever problem-solving abilities.”

octopus

The multi-limbed creatures are renowned for their sucker-lined tentacles, incredible ‘reactive’ camouflage systems, three hearts, incredibly powerful eyeballs and the ability to utilise jet propulsion. Not to mention the fact that they can re-grow detached limbs at will.

“The late British zoologist Martin Wells said the octopus is an alien. In this sense, then, our paper describes the first sequenced genome from an alien.”

So there you have it, they’re here. They’ve been here for a while and ultimately they’ll probably take over the world and make us their octo-slaves.

Terrifying.

For an idea of just how alien they are, check out the following...

Exhibit A

Insane camouflage.

Exhibit B

An octopus clearly demonstrating that it understands how to use two halves of a coconut as its own portable armour-cum-wheel transport device. 

Exhibit C

A fairly large octopus squeezes its entire body through a fairly small hole on a ship, causing us to eject our lunch all over our keyboard.

Related

airnzallblacks.jpg

This Fantastic Men In Black Airline Safety Video Will Make Your Day

drone2.jpg

Fisherman catches drone with incredible cast

flavorkim.jpg

North Korea To Establish its Own Time Zone

sword3.jpg

British Library Wants Your Help Solving An 800-Year-Old Mystery

DJ2.jpg

DJ Goes Grade 10 Bonkers At A Small Gig

bttfmonopolyhero1.jpg

Back to the Future Monopoly Set Revealed in Detail

Comments

More

Sam Smith's pubs have banned swearing

Fuck off, mate

by Emily Reynolds
21 Apr 2017

Ugo Ehiogu leaves behind a musical legacy as well as a footballing one

He helped set up a big-name record label

by Matt Tate
21 Apr 2017

New research suggests introverts make better CEOs

Better ask for that promotion, if you can manage it

by Emily Reynolds
21 Apr 2017

You soon could be able to vote with a selfie

New app could increase young voter turnout

by Emily Reynolds
21 Apr 2017

This is the best way to pay tribute to Ugo Ehiogu

The Spurs Under-23 coach sadly passed away this morning

by Matt Tate
21 Apr 2017

This simple trick will let you know if you smell bad

Without having to sniff your armpit in public

by Emily Reynolds
21 Apr 2017

German police reveal crazy financial motive behind Dortmund attack

It was seemingly nothing to do with Islamic extremism

21 Apr 2017

A man dressed as a fish finger will challenge Tim Farron for his seat

These are going to be the longest seven weeks in history

by Tom Mendelsohn
21 Apr 2017

These painfully honest election posters are better than the real thing

Attention Tory, Labour, Lib Dem, UKIP, SNP & Green Party HQs: we've got you covered

by Dave Fawbert
21 Apr 2017

Here's how to vote if you want to keep the Tories out

If it's anyone-but-the-Conservatives for you, then this is what you need to do

by Emily Reynolds
20 Apr 2017